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Speaking on Behalf of Our Children: Stop Blaming the Victims
How many times have you flipped through the pages of a magazine or newspaper and seen images of children with captions like "Brats," "Bullies," or "Mean and Selfish"? Unfortunately, these are common occurrences in today's media. For some child advocates, these images serve as a call to action: We need to do something to help America's so-called "out-of-control" children. The problem is, while these negative images are a wake up call, they are not doing anything to help troubled children. In fact, they only add to the problem. By labeling children brats, bullies, or mean and selfish, we are imposing the very same behaviors on them that we teach as being wrong. In Robert Shaw's book, The Epidemic: The Rot of American Culture, Absentee and Permissive Parenting, and the Resultant Plague of Joyless, Selfish Children, he asserts that "Our culture no longer offers what children need to truly thrive." That is, some children are so unruly because society has unknowingly taught them to act this way Getting Down to the Root of the Problem The "epidemic" that Shaw discusses is a result of a deeply rooted social system called Authoritarianism, which is a system of behaviors that manipulate and control through pain and humiliation. These behaviors include blaming, shaming, preaching, moralizing, accusing, ridiculing, belittling, evaluating, labeling, threatening, judging, and punishing - all bullying behaviors. These behaviors disrespect, discourage, and devalue the person to whom they are directed. When such authoritarian behaviors are imposed on children, the end result is usually a loss of dignity and self-respect. Instead of helping them overcome their problems, these methods only make children feel worse about themselves, causing them to react by displaying the same authoritarian behaviors. Authoritarian behaviors are so deeply rooted that even professional advocates who speak out against bullying resort to using the same tactics. For example, on an episode of his TV. show, Dr. Phil McGraw interviewed a teenage girl who was being verbally and physically abused by other girls at school. Since the accused girls refused to appear on the program, Dr. Phil delivered a message to them by looking and speaking directly into the camera. When he began to ridicule the accused girls and call them names, the audience immediately applauded and cheered with approval. Both Dr. Phil and his audience were advocating the very same behaviors that he was speaking against. Bullying is so deeply rooted in today's society, that it now seems reasonable. Adding to our trouble, our nation as a whole has a reputation of being a bully because of our authoritarian behaviors. In fact, The San Francisco Chronicle recently ran an article entitled "9/11 Reminds Chinese of America, a Global Bully." In the article a student at the Beijing Institute of Science said, "America is a bully, so when someone hits back, it feels good." When bullying is directed at children, the cycle continues. Many bullied children end up being bullies themselves because "it feels good," causing others to feel like victims for much of their life. It's Time for a Behavior Check The fact is that children learn from modeled behaviors. While it is true that some children are, as the media says, "out-of-control," they did not end up that way by themselves. Children are who they are because of their environment. They learn how to act by watching the people who are closest to them. The behaviors they see are the behaviors they will take on. This being said, if we truly want to help a child make a change for the better, we must first take a closer look at our own actions and behaviors. Ask yourself the following questions:
It is Up to Us Fortunately, alternatives to authoritarian behaviors exist. We are not powerless in our struggle for social change. Many child advocates not only speak out against these behaviors, but they also offer effective solutions that create physically and emotionally healthy children. World-renowned experts and authors such as Alfie Kohn, Beyond Discipline, From Compliance to Community; Roger Schank, Coloring Outside The Lines; and David Elkind, The Hurried Child are social heroes of our time. They have been speaking out against the injustices of our system for many years, and their wisdom is bringing about a social change we desperately need. The problems with America's children may seem overwhelming at times, but there are proven solutions. By changing our childcare practices and behaviors, we can restructure our nation's intellectual, economic, physical, political, moral, and emotional values. Children are at the mercy of the people responsible for their care. Instead of speaking out against our children, we need to be friendly with them, and speak up for them. It is up to us to make a difference in their lives. About The Author Dawn Fry is the founder and CEO of Helping Our Children Productions, a publishing company that provides educational CD's giving practical help to families and childcare professionals. Ms. Fry has more than 60,000 hours of professional experience working with children.
Latest News:Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for news News 8 Red Cross blood drive in Orange News 8 and the Red Cross are teaming up again today for a 'Remembering 9/11 Blood Drive'. News Near You for Sept. 10 NEWS NEAR YOU HanoverThe annual winterization program in Hanover County is accepting applications from low-income, elderly or disabled homeowners and volunteers who want to help them. News by location Get local and national news updates via E-mail. Duke University School of Nursing will offer several graduate courses in Fayetteville in 2011. Participants will meet once a month at the Southern Regional Area Health Education Center at 1601 Owen Drive. Each course will involve online learning. News media giants tap new media to stay alive Traditional news media outlets are staving off their much-reported impending demise by learning to use the very social media tools that are supposedly clobbering them to death. News 8 Follows First-Year Teacher Throughout the school year, News 8 will follow Darryl Wende during his first year of teaching in a series of reports called "Making the Grade." News by location Get local and national news updates via E-mail. A small fire that someone set on a street in west Fayetteville may have been a ploy to get inside homes in the neighborhood, police said. News by location Get local and national news updates via E-mail. An investigator with the Consumer Product Safety Commission was at Fort Bragg on Thursday conducting tests inside a military home where three families were staying at different times before their babies died mysteriously. News Animation Goes Political: Knocks Pres. Obama Speech In New Video The Taiwanese NMA News animation videos are coming out with increasing regularity , and are getting more timely and news-worthy . In the past, they've been fairly fun in their bipartisan ribbing toward both political parties - but their latest Pres. Barack Obama video takes some sharp jabs at the Commander-in-Chief. News by location Get local and national news updates via E-mail. You had to feel good about how the rest of the state of North Carolina felt about Fayetteville and Cumberland County football this week as reflected in the first Associated Press high school polls. News by location Get local and national news updates via E-mail. Two men are accused of robbing a pizza delivery driver at gunpoint Wednesday night, off Rosehill Road. Site: news - Google News Adobe, Google on Apple's App Store Changes: 'great News' - PC World
MORE RESOURCES: Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for parenting Parenting: Where To Go 9/10/10 NY1 Parenting Correspondent Shelley Goldberg recommends some places to go with parenting news you can use. The Signpost - Parenting with love and logic In an interactive discussion on Tuesday, Melanie Williamson taught how to use love and logic as the cornerstone of parenting to a group of Weber State University students and community members in the Shepherd Union Building. Parenting Corner: Teach your children about racial differences A Korean family has recently moved in next door and our 8-year-old son became friendly with their boy, who is the same age. However, he now says that he no longer wants to play with this child because he ?looks funny.? How do we teach our son to look beyond the differences? A: If you live in a small community or a rural area where there haven?t been very many people of different ethnicities and ... Parenting program taken to remote communities A new program will be introduced in remote Indigenous communities in the Northern Territory to help build parents' confidence caring for their children. Pro-Life Phils to hold seminar on parenting skills MANILA, Sept. 10, 2010?A seminar aimed to help parents and counsellors to enhance their knowledge in parenting skills and infusing values to the young is slated on October 16, 2010 at the St. Joseph Retreat House Conference Room, Our Lady of Loreto Church, Manzanas Street, Sampaloc, Manila. Organized by Pro Life Philippines the seminar is titled ?Effective Parenting for Peace and read more Active Parenting of Teens program at local Family Resource Center FERNLEY--The Family Resource Center and Lyon County Human Services is presenting a six-week class called Active Parenting for Teens at the LCHS office at 460 W. Main Street. Parenting Points - A balanced breakfast builds a better student l Take time to eat with your children. This models healthy eating habits and fuels your body so that you are better prepared to tackle your day. Enroll now for parenting classes Enrollment is open for Loudoun Citizens for Social Justice/LAWS? two parenting classes. ?Parenting the School-Aged Child? is for parents of 4- to 11-year-olds. The eight-week class is every Thursday, 5:30-8 p.m., beginning Oct. 21. 'Co-parenting' rewarding Hosting a Chiefs player is a pretty low-stress job, according to one local volunteer. Parenting: Things we should never forget I don?t see a day in my lifetime that I won?t cringe a bit inside when I hear the words ? September 11th.? I?d imagine I?m not the only one. It?s the most memorable day of history to most Americans who are under 40 years of age. Site: parenting - Google News Living to Be a Parent - New York Times
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