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Nine Lives
Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 2, 2002 My husband of four years has been arrested for the fourth time for hurting me. This time he strangled me. I always go back with him. He is in jail now with no money to post for his own bail. I thought I loved him, but lately I can't stand his behind. He is unemployed and so possessive it's hard for me to breathe sometimes. He follows me from room to room and, if I'm on the phone, mutes the television so he can listen. A year ago we separated and I filed for divorce. We reconciled in November and I put the divorce on hold. Last week I called the clerk, and my divorce was put through. I am now divorced from a man who tried to kill me 10 days ago. Great, right? I am so sad and lonely and feel so bad for him sitting in jail that I can't get my head cleared out. I feel like I have no life other than work. I have no family and few friends. I feel he hurts me because I argue with him and put him in a corner like a scared animal. He has to strike out at me to defend his manhood. It's hard to explain. And yes, I have begun counseling. Forget him or love him, that is my question. Tori Tori, most of us get many chances to change our life, but we don't get an unlimited number of chances. This man may take your last chance away from you. Like the people held hostage by gunmen in a Stockholm bank 30 years ago, you have begun to identify with your captor. You see the world from his point of view and deny what he is doing to you. Or at least, that is what part of you does. Another part of you chose to divorce him. That part realizes you have freedom. That part recognizes love is about caring, respect, and admiration which flow back and forth. That part of you knows this man can never give you what you most deeply need. Now you're like an addict struggling with addiction. Loneliness is weakening your resolve, but you've got to remember the reason for quitting. Stay in counseling. Seek emotional support. Formulate a protection plan. You have work, not everyone has that. That is something to build on. You have friends, not everyone has that. That is something to build on. You have life, that is something other women in your situation have lost. Wayne and Tamara Happiness Is? I was raised to believe that the secret to happiness is to be interested in other people, be a good listener, and spend your time helping others. However, the happiest people I know are completely self-absorbed. Eagerly they bombard me with every thought that has passed through their mind, every excruciating detail of their mundane little weekends, every boring incident involving the computer at work. I am left grabbing for the Prozac, and wondering where I went wrong. In our modern world, is self-obsession the only way to go? Chris Chris, ignorance may be bliss, but it isn't happiness. Happiness doesn't come from living in a closet or only looking at two colors in the rainbow. People who can only talk about the weather or movies she hasn't seen, drive Tamara crazy. One cure is to gradually withdrawing from those people. That opens space in one's life for people who are vitally alive and growing. By filling yourself up and growing, you have much to offer lively people, and they will be attracted to you as well. Build on the relationships you find pleasure in, and start pulling back from the other ones. A friend of mine once explained how he lost the sense of joy in his life, and how he got it back. He told me, "I forgot to dream." Wayne About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
Latest News:Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for news News Corp exec becomes chief of Germany's Premiere (Reuters via Yahoo! News) News Corp's chief financial officer for Europe and Asia has been named chief executive of German pay television group Premiere, following the resignation of Michael Boernicke, Premiere said on Wednesday. News Corporation to redevelop London Wapping site (Reuters via Yahoo! News) Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation is to redevelop its Wapping site in London, moving all its UK businesses, including News International, Harper Collins, MySpace and Dow Jones, under one roof. UPI NewsTrack Entertainment News (UPI) Chesney nominated for 7 CMAs ... Hoffman: I'm not playing Penguin ... 'RocknRolla' No. 1 at U.K. box office ... Jessica Simpson stops song on 'GMA' ... News from United Press International. DailyMe: News tailored to your individual tastes (The Christian Science Monitor) Column: Custom news websites come and go, but this one gets it right. Sarah Palin docu wins record ratings for Fox News (Reuters via Yahoo! News) In a week of records surrounding the Republican National Convention, Fox News Channel earned another one with its weekend documentary on vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin. MySpace ad business ahead of target: News Corp (Reuters via Yahoo! News) News Corp's (NWSa.N) MySpace advertising business is operating ahead of expectations and its digital ad business is performing better than the marketplace, the company's chief operating officer said on Tuesday. STOCKS NEWS EUROPE-Erdemir shares fall on iron ore prices (Reuters via Yahoo! Malaysia News) STOCKS NEWS Reuters Results diary News Buzz: Recreating the Big Bang, Gates Urges Slow Iraq Drawdown, Ike Gains Strength (US News & World Report) Top news from the Associated Press For consumers, good news down the line (Sun-Sentinel) Whether you buy a new iPod or not, there may be good news for you in Apple's release of new iPods on Tuesday . Fox News Vaults To Top Of Primetime Ratings (MultiChannel News) Who says no one watches political conventions? Fox News Channel?s coverage of GOP Presidential nominee John McCain?s Sept. 4 acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention drew 9.2 million viewers, topping all other basic cable shows last week, according to Nielsen Media Research data. Site: news - Google News CNET News Daily Podcast: Say hello to the Palm Pre - CNET News
MORE RESOURCES: Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for inspirational Inspirational Experts in Fashion, Cuisine and Lifestyle to Share Tips and Trends at Orange County Head to Toe Women's ... (PRWeb) Southern California's premiere women's consumer show, the Head to Toe Women's Expo returns to OC Fair and Event Center in Costa Mesa, Calif., October 10, 11 and 12, 2008. Presented by Ralphs Grocery, the Head to Toe Women's Expo gives mothers, daughters, and girlfriends a chance to reconnect during a weekend of shopping, pampering, makeovers and inspirational speakers. Several experts, ... http://firepit-plans.com Introduces "The Fire Pit Planner Guide" a Comprehensive Inspirational Guide to Building ... (PRWeb via Yahoo! News) http://firepit-plans.com is a new site that offers a unique do-it-yourself inspirational plan to building fire pits, the guide offers tips and advice on operating and constructing fire pits in the outdoors, house garden or backyard. Reporter's Notebook (Dallas Morning News) Certain parts of Irving City Hall will soon be getting makeovers. Residents and visitors can expect to see inspirational quotes on walls and prominent displays of the city?s mission statement within a couple of months. Bob Walter: Iraq hero gets moving tribute in Elk Grove Park (The Sacramento Bee) For a hero: As if anybody could forget Joe Nurre of Wilton, a fitting and permanent memorial to the inspirational Elk Grove High School football captain is attracting plenty of attention in Elk Grove Park. Joe Nurre A plaque dedicates an Elk Grove barbecue area to Joe Nurre. MCC Honors 9/11 Victims and Families (R News) Monroe Community College hosted a special 9/11 commemorative ceremony at the Remembrance Walk on the Brighton campus. The hour long event included music, inspirational speeches, a moment of silence and flowers placed at the base of the 9/11 monument there. Local review: 'Bill W. and Dr. Bob' entertaining, educational (The Pantagraph) For a gripping evening of theater as educational as it is inspirational, ?Bill W. and Dr. Bob? at Heartland Theatre Company, can?t be beat. Steve Amerson to Sing at the Congressional Medal of Honor Society's Convention (Christian News Wire) DENVER, Sept. 11 / Christian Newswire / -- Steve Amerson, well-known Inspirational music artist will be singing at the Congressional Medal of Honor Society's Annual Convention, A Celebration of Honor, in Denver, Colorado at the "Patriots Award Gala" on Friday, September 19, 2008. Radio pirate suspect arrested in Wilton Manors apartment (Sun-Sentinel) When you tune into FM 103.9 in Broward County , you're supposed to hear a sermon by Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale Pastor Bob Coy or inspirational music from the likes of Mercy Me and Steven Curtis Chapman. Randolph Reads kicks off with celebration (Asheboro Courier-Tribune) ASHEBORO ? A Randolph County initiative to unite the community in reading and discussing an inspirational non-fiction book about a nearby town?s struggles with change is under way. Honor Text Helps Americans to Remember (WCAV Charlottesville) The clock strikes 9:11am and your phone beeps, but it?s not your average text message. Instead, it?s an Honor Text, a brief inspirational message about some of America?s service men and women. Site: inspirational - Google News Gerard Lucien Gaudreau, inspirational speaker - Baltimore Sun
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