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An Unquenched Thirst
Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 9, 2002 I'm engaged to a wonderful, warm and loving man whom I've been with for four years. We have always had mismatched libido. I would prefer to have sex nearly every day, but he would choose once a week or less. Early in our relationship we fought about this issue. He let me see that if I asked for sex much more than he wanted, he felt diminished as a man. So I've adjusted by limiting myself to only rarely initiating sex. He's adjusted in offering me more verbal and nonsexual physical affection each day. Lately I'm worrying this issue will spell disaster down the road. Even as I've accustomed myself to having infrequent sex, there has been no adjustment to my libido. I find myself daily fantasizing and writing explicit stories (starring him). I don't hide these things from him, but I mostly keep quiet about them because I fear he feels my sexuality strange. Is this type of problem a deal-breaker when it comes to marriage? Georgiana Georgiana, you are talking about making permanent something which isn't adequate or acceptable now. It doesn't matter that you have a history with him or that you have a certain amount of feeling for each other. You both made a concerted effort to come to a mutually satisfying outcome, and it's not working. The next step, marriage, should occur when a relationship is so fulfilling now that marriage will only enhance and deepen it. Glossing over issues puts off the day of reckoning, and wishes don't change reality. If you don't deal with reality now, reality will deal with you later. At the end of Hemingway's novel "The Sun Also Rises," a woman laments what might have been. "We could have had such a damn good time together," she says. If things had been right. But they weren't. Wayne Premature Eviction My boyfriend is in the middle of a divorce which will be final next month. He was married 20 years, with no children. We have a very solid relationship. In fact, it is the best relationship I ever had with a man. My boyfriend wants to remain friendly with his ex-wife, but not the kind of friend you hang out with. He says he has no intention of getting back together with her, nor she with him. Two months ago, his father was hospitalized. My boyfriend often picked up his wife to visit his dad in the hospital. His ex-wife was like a daughter to him. When his father died three days ago, I was the first person my boyfriend called. Since I am a writer by profession, he asked if I would write the eulogy for the family-only memorial service. Over breakfast I met his mom and "interviewed" her about her husband. I loved meeting her, and she opened up to me. I wrote the eulogy later in the afternoon. My boyfriend read it and cried. He said it was perfect. I wasn't invited to the memorial, but his soon-to-be ex was there along with members of the immediate family. His wife is still very close to his mother. I want her to get lost. How can I keep her from hanging around in the future? Naomi Naomi, people come not only with a personality, but with a whole set of past relationships. Your boyfriend's wife had a long relationship with his parents. You are not grieving for his father, she is, and he is still married to her. That doesn't put you in the front seat yet; it means you are still in the back seat. The writing of the eulogy was something you did out of love for your boyfriend. It was not a ticket to the funeral. Don't try to evict his wife before her lease is up, and realize that some of her relationships, and his, will endure into the future. Tamara About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
Latest News:Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for news News Corp exec becomes chief of Germany's Premiere (Reuters via Yahoo! News) News Corp's chief financial officer for Europe and Asia has been named chief executive of German pay television group Premiere, following the resignation of Michael Boernicke, Premiere said on Wednesday. News Corporation to redevelop London Wapping site (Reuters via Yahoo! News) Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation is to redevelop its Wapping site in London, moving all its UK businesses, including News International, Harper Collins, MySpace and Dow Jones, under one roof. UPI NewsTrack Entertainment News (UPI) Chesney nominated for 7 CMAs ... Hoffman: I'm not playing Penguin ... 'RocknRolla' No. 1 at U.K. box office ... Jessica Simpson stops song on 'GMA' ... News from United Press International. DailyMe: News tailored to your individual tastes (The Christian Science Monitor) Column: Custom news websites come and go, but this one gets it right. Sarah Palin docu wins record ratings for Fox News (Reuters via Yahoo! News) In a week of records surrounding the Republican National Convention, Fox News Channel earned another one with its weekend documentary on vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin. MySpace ad business ahead of target: News Corp (Reuters via Yahoo! News) News Corp's (NWSa.N) MySpace advertising business is operating ahead of expectations and its digital ad business is performing better than the marketplace, the company's chief operating officer said on Tuesday. STOCKS NEWS EUROPE-Erdemir shares fall on iron ore prices (Reuters via Yahoo! Malaysia News) STOCKS NEWS Reuters Results diary News Buzz: Recreating the Big Bang, Gates Urges Slow Iraq Drawdown, Ike Gains Strength (US News & World Report) Top news from the Associated Press For consumers, good news down the line (Sun-Sentinel) Whether you buy a new iPod or not, there may be good news for you in Apple's release of new iPods on Tuesday . Fox News Vaults To Top Of Primetime Ratings (MultiChannel News) Who says no one watches political conventions? Fox News Channel?s coverage of GOP Presidential nominee John McCain?s Sept. 4 acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention drew 9.2 million viewers, topping all other basic cable shows last week, according to Nielsen Media Research data. Site: news - Google News Palm Unveils New 'Nova' Software, 'Palm Pre' Phone - CNNMoney.com
MORE RESOURCES: Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for inspirational Inspirational Experts in Fashion, Cuisine and Lifestyle to Share Tips and Trends at Orange County Head to Toe Women's ... (PRWeb) Southern California's premiere women's consumer show, the Head to Toe Women's Expo returns to OC Fair and Event Center in Costa Mesa, Calif., October 10, 11 and 12, 2008. Presented by Ralphs Grocery, the Head to Toe Women's Expo gives mothers, daughters, and girlfriends a chance to reconnect during a weekend of shopping, pampering, makeovers and inspirational speakers. Several experts, ... http://firepit-plans.com Introduces "The Fire Pit Planner Guide" a Comprehensive Inspirational Guide to Building ... (PRWeb via Yahoo! News) http://firepit-plans.com is a new site that offers a unique do-it-yourself inspirational plan to building fire pits, the guide offers tips and advice on operating and constructing fire pits in the outdoors, house garden or backyard. Reporter's Notebook (Dallas Morning News) Certain parts of Irving City Hall will soon be getting makeovers. Residents and visitors can expect to see inspirational quotes on walls and prominent displays of the city?s mission statement within a couple of months. Bob Walter: Iraq hero gets moving tribute in Elk Grove Park (The Sacramento Bee) For a hero: As if anybody could forget Joe Nurre of Wilton, a fitting and permanent memorial to the inspirational Elk Grove High School football captain is attracting plenty of attention in Elk Grove Park. Joe Nurre A plaque dedicates an Elk Grove barbecue area to Joe Nurre. MCC Honors 9/11 Victims and Families (R News) Monroe Community College hosted a special 9/11 commemorative ceremony at the Remembrance Walk on the Brighton campus. The hour long event included music, inspirational speeches, a moment of silence and flowers placed at the base of the 9/11 monument there. Local review: 'Bill W. and Dr. Bob' entertaining, educational (The Pantagraph) For a gripping evening of theater as educational as it is inspirational, ?Bill W. and Dr. Bob? at Heartland Theatre Company, can?t be beat. Steve Amerson to Sing at the Congressional Medal of Honor Society's Convention (Christian News Wire) DENVER, Sept. 11 / Christian Newswire / -- Steve Amerson, well-known Inspirational music artist will be singing at the Congressional Medal of Honor Society's Annual Convention, A Celebration of Honor, in Denver, Colorado at the "Patriots Award Gala" on Friday, September 19, 2008. Radio pirate suspect arrested in Wilton Manors apartment (Sun-Sentinel) When you tune into FM 103.9 in Broward County , you're supposed to hear a sermon by Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale Pastor Bob Coy or inspirational music from the likes of Mercy Me and Steven Curtis Chapman. Randolph Reads kicks off with celebration (Asheboro Courier-Tribune) ASHEBORO ? A Randolph County initiative to unite the community in reading and discussing an inspirational non-fiction book about a nearby town?s struggles with change is under way. Honor Text Helps Americans to Remember (WCAV Charlottesville) The clock strikes 9:11am and your phone beeps, but it?s not your average text message. Instead, it?s an Honor Text, a brief inspirational message about some of America?s service men and women. Site: inspirational - Google News Gerard Lucien Gaudreau, inspirational speaker - Baltimore Sun
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