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Neither A Borrower
Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 4, 2002 I moved from Los Angeles to Europe with my husband and children. My sister's husband left her with three children. She sent an e-mail today asking me to "give" her $1000 so her lawyer will continue representing her. My sister already owes her lawyer $9000. She owes my other sister $5000, and she never talks about paying it back. She is trying to convince a judge she needs more money from her ex so she won't have to move. Her ex-husband has offered 65 percent of his paycheck, which is about $550 per week. It sounds like a lot, but my sister has taken out second mortgages on her home and her house bill is $1500 a month, not including taxes. I don't know if she is in debt, or if she is just used to being able to pull money out of purse whenever she wants and not having to budget. I know she rarely cooks and usually takes the children out for fast food. She asked for government aid, but they say her income is too high to qualify for any help. My husband is worried if we give her $1000, she will assume she can keep asking. Do you have any suggestions? Trish Trish, you are concerned about your sister's welfare and would like to respond to her needs, but your husband understands the actual situation. Your sister goes through money as if it is water. She doesn't budget or live within her income. The equity in her home has vanished. Her ex gives her most of his income, and it is still not enough. Your sister engages in magical thinking. She is trying to make reality conform to her habits and outlook. Offering her financial help will only encourage her belief in magical solutions. The obvious solution is to sell the house, reduce the debt load, and bring expenses in line with income. She may need to move to another neighborhood and make other lifestyle changes, but that is what is called for. Give her unlimited emotional support and guidance, but don't subsidize her flight from reality. That may sound harsh, but it is the kindest thing you can do for her. Wayne Soap Box My mother is quite the religious evangelist and political zealot, and it's getting in the way of our relationship. She insists on discussing her views every time we speak, and she assaults me with unsolicited information by way of letters and one-sided telephone rants. It doesn't work to ignore her newfound fanaticism or request we not discuss religion and politics. Saying I have to get off the phone is most effective, but I am still up nights being upset. If I request an end to the alarmist messages, she insults me or sends a nasty note. After a period of silence, she'll do something like send me an engraved Bible with cash inside and an inscription from "Your ever-loving mother." A dear friend died recently, and I sent a copy of the obituary to my mother. She, in turn, sent me a religious diatribe having nothing to do with my loss. I was devastated. Renee Renee, in the back of your mind is an idealized picture of domestic life, like one of those Currier & Ives lithographs called "The Happy Family." It's not going to be like that with your mom. Your mother isn't talking to you so much as she is talking to all those people who won't stand there and listen to her, for like all zealots, she creates a loathing for her beliefs. She likely treats everyone this way, but they have an advantage. They are not her daughter. As you free yourself to leave her presence, you will realize how you gave her power, and she will realize it is in her power to have you stay or to send you away. Tamara About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
Latest News:Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for news News Corp exec becomes chief of Germany's Premiere (Reuters via Yahoo! News) News Corp's chief financial officer for Europe and Asia has been named chief executive of German pay television group Premiere, following the resignation of Michael Boernicke, Premiere said on Wednesday. News Corporation to redevelop London Wapping site (Reuters via Yahoo! News) Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation is to redevelop its Wapping site in London, moving all its UK businesses, including News International, Harper Collins, MySpace and Dow Jones, under one roof. UPI NewsTrack Entertainment News (UPI) Chesney nominated for 7 CMAs ... Hoffman: I'm not playing Penguin ... 'RocknRolla' No. 1 at U.K. box office ... Jessica Simpson stops song on 'GMA' ... News from United Press International. DailyMe: News tailored to your individual tastes (The Christian Science Monitor) Column: Custom news websites come and go, but this one gets it right. Sarah Palin docu wins record ratings for Fox News (Reuters via Yahoo! News) In a week of records surrounding the Republican National Convention, Fox News Channel earned another one with its weekend documentary on vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin. MySpace ad business ahead of target: News Corp (Reuters via Yahoo! News) News Corp's (NWSa.N) MySpace advertising business is operating ahead of expectations and its digital ad business is performing better than the marketplace, the company's chief operating officer said on Tuesday. STOCKS NEWS EUROPE-Erdemir shares fall on iron ore prices (Reuters via Yahoo! Malaysia News) STOCKS NEWS Reuters Results diary News Buzz: Recreating the Big Bang, Gates Urges Slow Iraq Drawdown, Ike Gains Strength (US News & World Report) Top news from the Associated Press For consumers, good news down the line (Sun-Sentinel) Whether you buy a new iPod or not, there may be good news for you in Apple's release of new iPods on Tuesday . Fox News Vaults To Top Of Primetime Ratings (MultiChannel News) Who says no one watches political conventions? Fox News Channel?s coverage of GOP Presidential nominee John McCain?s Sept. 4 acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention drew 9.2 million viewers, topping all other basic cable shows last week, according to Nielsen Media Research data. Site: news - Google News CNET News Daily Podcast: Say hello to the Palm Pre - CNET News
MORE RESOURCES: Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for inspirational Inspirational Experts in Fashion, Cuisine and Lifestyle to Share Tips and Trends at Orange County Head to Toe Women's ... (PRWeb) Southern California's premiere women's consumer show, the Head to Toe Women's Expo returns to OC Fair and Event Center in Costa Mesa, Calif., October 10, 11 and 12, 2008. Presented by Ralphs Grocery, the Head to Toe Women's Expo gives mothers, daughters, and girlfriends a chance to reconnect during a weekend of shopping, pampering, makeovers and inspirational speakers. Several experts, ... http://firepit-plans.com Introduces "The Fire Pit Planner Guide" a Comprehensive Inspirational Guide to Building ... (PRWeb via Yahoo! News) http://firepit-plans.com is a new site that offers a unique do-it-yourself inspirational plan to building fire pits, the guide offers tips and advice on operating and constructing fire pits in the outdoors, house garden or backyard. Reporter's Notebook (Dallas Morning News) Certain parts of Irving City Hall will soon be getting makeovers. Residents and visitors can expect to see inspirational quotes on walls and prominent displays of the city?s mission statement within a couple of months. Bob Walter: Iraq hero gets moving tribute in Elk Grove Park (The Sacramento Bee) For a hero: As if anybody could forget Joe Nurre of Wilton, a fitting and permanent memorial to the inspirational Elk Grove High School football captain is attracting plenty of attention in Elk Grove Park. Joe Nurre A plaque dedicates an Elk Grove barbecue area to Joe Nurre. MCC Honors 9/11 Victims and Families (R News) Monroe Community College hosted a special 9/11 commemorative ceremony at the Remembrance Walk on the Brighton campus. The hour long event included music, inspirational speeches, a moment of silence and flowers placed at the base of the 9/11 monument there. Local review: 'Bill W. and Dr. Bob' entertaining, educational (The Pantagraph) For a gripping evening of theater as educational as it is inspirational, ?Bill W. and Dr. Bob? at Heartland Theatre Company, can?t be beat. Steve Amerson to Sing at the Congressional Medal of Honor Society's Convention (Christian News Wire) DENVER, Sept. 11 / Christian Newswire / -- Steve Amerson, well-known Inspirational music artist will be singing at the Congressional Medal of Honor Society's Annual Convention, A Celebration of Honor, in Denver, Colorado at the "Patriots Award Gala" on Friday, September 19, 2008. Radio pirate suspect arrested in Wilton Manors apartment (Sun-Sentinel) When you tune into FM 103.9 in Broward County , you're supposed to hear a sermon by Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale Pastor Bob Coy or inspirational music from the likes of Mercy Me and Steven Curtis Chapman. Randolph Reads kicks off with celebration (Asheboro Courier-Tribune) ASHEBORO ? A Randolph County initiative to unite the community in reading and discussing an inspirational non-fiction book about a nearby town?s struggles with change is under way. Honor Text Helps Americans to Remember (WCAV Charlottesville) The clock strikes 9:11am and your phone beeps, but it?s not your average text message. Instead, it?s an Honor Text, a brief inspirational message about some of America?s service men and women. Site: inspirational - Google News Gerard Lucien Gaudreau, inspirational speaker - Baltimore Sun
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