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A Pre-existing Condition
Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 2, 2002 I am 25 and have been married for two years. This past August I began an affair with my husband's younger brother. I feel just terrible and want to end the relationship, but I feel I am in a hopeless situation. The guilt is overwhelming, and I feel I need to come clean with my husband before I can get past what I've done and move on. However, I'm sure you can see the conflict. Since the affair involves someone so close to my husband, I don't know that we could ever get through this. I don't want to destroy the relationship between my husband and his brother, not to mention that this news would destroy their entire family. I feel like I should divorce my husband, cut off all contact with him and his brother, and live with the consequences of my actions--loneliness, guilt, and the burden of my sins. Can you please help? Kerri Kerri, you want to whip yourself with a cat-o'-nine-tails, but this is not something to whip yourself about. It is something to understand. There is no point in becoming just another miserable person on the planet. Too many people already fit that category. Your affair is not the problem. The problem started before that, and it involves what you brought to the marriage. When two people have that ultimate love which everyone craves, they never forget who they are married to. Forgetting the other person would be like forgetting their own name. If you truly loved your husband, you couldn't have done this. If you hadn't done something so severe, he would want to work out your differences. Your reasons for marrying this man were not sufficient to sustain the marriage. So you sought a way out. If you decide to divorce, you owe your husband an explanation. You may want to tell him you deceived yourself about your feelings for him. If he did nothing wrong, you need to tell him that. It is up to you whether or not you admit sleeping with his brother. The question is, Does he need his brother more than he needs to know what his brother is like? Perhaps you don't feel worthy of love. If that is the case, you need to explore this issue as well. The marriage you want is the opposite of what you did. Like every other human being you deserve love, not loneliness, guilt and anxiety. But until you understand why you acted, there is no way to end the cycle of doing wrong, then punishing yourself after the fact. Wayne & Tamara Silence Accepts I have been dating Nick for over three years now. He is wonderful. One problem though. His family often makes very racist comments. Not just jokes, but mean-spirited comments. I have friends of many backgrounds, and I am deeply offended when I hear these things. Nick does not have any racist feelings, so he is not part of the problem. At the same time, he never confronts his family about their hurtful comments. By letting his family know how I feel, I risk angering them and having them take it out on Nick, and I'd rather not do that. Should I say something? Brooke Brooke, some years ago I read a remark by the science writer Guy Murchie. He said that no one we see, no matter where they come from, can be less than about a fiftieth cousin to us. Beyond that, nearly every spiritual tradition condemns this sort of prejudice. When Tamara and I run into this situation, we either speak up, or we get up and leave. People deserve to be judged on their individual merits, and remaining silent, denies our common humanity. You and Nick are serious. You cannot allow this to continue. His family needs to understand that these remarks are unacceptable in your presence. Wayne About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
Latest News:Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for news News Corp exec becomes chief of Germany's Premiere (Reuters via Yahoo! News) News Corp's chief financial officer for Europe and Asia has been named chief executive of German pay television group Premiere, following the resignation of Michael Boernicke, Premiere said on Wednesday. News Corporation to redevelop London Wapping site (Reuters via Yahoo! News) Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation is to redevelop its Wapping site in London, moving all its UK businesses, including News International, Harper Collins, MySpace and Dow Jones, under one roof. UPI NewsTrack Entertainment News (UPI) Chesney nominated for 7 CMAs ... Hoffman: I'm not playing Penguin ... 'RocknRolla' No. 1 at U.K. box office ... Jessica Simpson stops song on 'GMA' ... News from United Press International. DailyMe: News tailored to your individual tastes (The Christian Science Monitor) Column: Custom news websites come and go, but this one gets it right. Sarah Palin docu wins record ratings for Fox News (Reuters via Yahoo! News) In a week of records surrounding the Republican National Convention, Fox News Channel earned another one with its weekend documentary on vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin. MySpace ad business ahead of target: News Corp (Reuters via Yahoo! News) News Corp's (NWSa.N) MySpace advertising business is operating ahead of expectations and its digital ad business is performing better than the marketplace, the company's chief operating officer said on Tuesday. STOCKS NEWS EUROPE-Erdemir shares fall on iron ore prices (Reuters via Yahoo! Malaysia News) STOCKS NEWS Reuters Results diary News Buzz: Recreating the Big Bang, Gates Urges Slow Iraq Drawdown, Ike Gains Strength (US News & World Report) Top news from the Associated Press For consumers, good news down the line (Sun-Sentinel) Whether you buy a new iPod or not, there may be good news for you in Apple's release of new iPods on Tuesday . Fox News Vaults To Top Of Primetime Ratings (MultiChannel News) Who says no one watches political conventions? Fox News Channel?s coverage of GOP Presidential nominee John McCain?s Sept. 4 acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention drew 9.2 million viewers, topping all other basic cable shows last week, according to Nielsen Media Research data. Site: news - Google News Palm Unveils New 'Nova' Software, 'Palm Pre' Phone - CNNMoney.com
MORE RESOURCES: Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for inspirational Inspirational Experts in Fashion, Cuisine and Lifestyle to Share Tips and Trends at Orange County Head to Toe Women's ... (PRWeb) Southern California's premiere women's consumer show, the Head to Toe Women's Expo returns to OC Fair and Event Center in Costa Mesa, Calif., October 10, 11 and 12, 2008. Presented by Ralphs Grocery, the Head to Toe Women's Expo gives mothers, daughters, and girlfriends a chance to reconnect during a weekend of shopping, pampering, makeovers and inspirational speakers. Several experts, ... http://firepit-plans.com Introduces "The Fire Pit Planner Guide" a Comprehensive Inspirational Guide to Building ... (PRWeb via Yahoo! News) http://firepit-plans.com is a new site that offers a unique do-it-yourself inspirational plan to building fire pits, the guide offers tips and advice on operating and constructing fire pits in the outdoors, house garden or backyard. Reporter's Notebook (Dallas Morning News) Certain parts of Irving City Hall will soon be getting makeovers. Residents and visitors can expect to see inspirational quotes on walls and prominent displays of the city?s mission statement within a couple of months. Bob Walter: Iraq hero gets moving tribute in Elk Grove Park (The Sacramento Bee) For a hero: As if anybody could forget Joe Nurre of Wilton, a fitting and permanent memorial to the inspirational Elk Grove High School football captain is attracting plenty of attention in Elk Grove Park. Joe Nurre A plaque dedicates an Elk Grove barbecue area to Joe Nurre. MCC Honors 9/11 Victims and Families (R News) Monroe Community College hosted a special 9/11 commemorative ceremony at the Remembrance Walk on the Brighton campus. The hour long event included music, inspirational speeches, a moment of silence and flowers placed at the base of the 9/11 monument there. Local review: 'Bill W. and Dr. Bob' entertaining, educational (The Pantagraph) For a gripping evening of theater as educational as it is inspirational, ?Bill W. and Dr. Bob? at Heartland Theatre Company, can?t be beat. Steve Amerson to Sing at the Congressional Medal of Honor Society's Convention (Christian News Wire) DENVER, Sept. 11 / Christian Newswire / -- Steve Amerson, well-known Inspirational music artist will be singing at the Congressional Medal of Honor Society's Annual Convention, A Celebration of Honor, in Denver, Colorado at the "Patriots Award Gala" on Friday, September 19, 2008. Radio pirate suspect arrested in Wilton Manors apartment (Sun-Sentinel) When you tune into FM 103.9 in Broward County , you're supposed to hear a sermon by Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale Pastor Bob Coy or inspirational music from the likes of Mercy Me and Steven Curtis Chapman. Randolph Reads kicks off with celebration (Asheboro Courier-Tribune) ASHEBORO ? A Randolph County initiative to unite the community in reading and discussing an inspirational non-fiction book about a nearby town?s struggles with change is under way. Honor Text Helps Americans to Remember (WCAV Charlottesville) The clock strikes 9:11am and your phone beeps, but it?s not your average text message. Instead, it?s an Honor Text, a brief inspirational message about some of America?s service men and women. Site: inspirational - Google News Gerard Lucien Gaudreau, inspirational speaker - Baltimore Sun
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