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Whose Decision
Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 5, 2003 I'm very disturbed these days, and if it continues, I might get mad soon. I am 28. I recently went to see my parents in India and met a girl for marital purposes. I got convinced by my parents and family she is a perfect match for me. In an impulsive moment I said yes and got engaged. Very soon afterwards I realized I don't like her, and there are major compatibility and personality issues between us. Now my parents and her parents are pushing for marriage as soon as possible. I tried to speak to them and the girl about all the things going on in my mind. From that moment on I was like a rebel in the family, and everyone is against me. They want me to marry this girl. I told the girl I want to call it off, but she doesn't agree to my theory. I know deep inside me it's not going to work, but at the same time I love my parents and don't want to make things ugly. If we marry, I can see we will both live a miserable life as I won't be able to develop love for her, and it will end in a dreadful divorce. Ajay Ajay, what a way to step into marriage! You thought you were going home for a family visit, and your parents thought they were planning the rest of your life. You don't like your prospective bride, and now you have to weigh why this decision does not belong to you. In these circumstances many people cave in. In an odd twist of fate those forced into marriage often become defenders of arranged marriage, just as those hazed joining a fraternity enthusiastically haze new members. You would like to find a reason which will silence all arguments on the other side, but the more you justify yourself, the more they will wear you down with counter arguments and "success stories." The problem with letting other people make decisions for us is that we, not they, have to live with the consequences. The only thing they can't argue with is, "No." There is no appeal from a simple no. The worst thing your family can do is disown you. But they can only do that once. If you accede to their wishes now, they can use the hammer of disapproval over many other issues. You have to decide what your life will be. That is part of growing up and becoming an adult. When you make your own decisions, good or bad, you will feel life is under your control. There is a sense of justice, a deep sense of fairness, in a life lived this way. Tamara Upstairs Downstairs I met my downstairs neighbor on a Saturday morning a month ago when he complained about my loud music. He noted it's good music, but this particular day it was past his breaking point. I felt horrible, but I couldn't remember his face because I hadn't put my contacts in. I recall another time he banged on the ceiling at 1 a.m. Last week we spoke again about neighborly ground rules. It was a comfortable and easy conversation. I wore my contacts, and yes, he is cute. He noted whenever I see his car in the driveway, he's home, except for next Thursday when he'll be at a game. Is this a hint to follow up on? Torri Torri, this is definitely a hint to follow up on, but the question is what is he hinting. My guess is he thinks you are his annoying neighbor who plays her music too loud. If that's right, he wants the car in the driveway to be a warning to you to keep the music down and stop dancing on his head. But he could have other intentions. If so, they will soon be plain enough. Wayne About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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MORE RESOURCES: Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for inspirational Inspirational Experts in Fashion, Cuisine and Lifestyle to Share Tips and Trends at Orange County Head to Toe Women's ... (PRWeb) Southern California's premiere women's consumer show, the Head to Toe Women's Expo returns to OC Fair and Event Center in Costa Mesa, Calif., October 10, 11 and 12, 2008. Presented by Ralphs Grocery, the Head to Toe Women's Expo gives mothers, daughters, and girlfriends a chance to reconnect during a weekend of shopping, pampering, makeovers and inspirational speakers. Several experts, ... http://firepit-plans.com Introduces "The Fire Pit Planner Guide" a Comprehensive Inspirational Guide to Building ... (PRWeb via Yahoo! News) http://firepit-plans.com is a new site that offers a unique do-it-yourself inspirational plan to building fire pits, the guide offers tips and advice on operating and constructing fire pits in the outdoors, house garden or backyard. Reporter's Notebook (Dallas Morning News) Certain parts of Irving City Hall will soon be getting makeovers. Residents and visitors can expect to see inspirational quotes on walls and prominent displays of the city?s mission statement within a couple of months. Bob Walter: Iraq hero gets moving tribute in Elk Grove Park (The Sacramento Bee) For a hero: As if anybody could forget Joe Nurre of Wilton, a fitting and permanent memorial to the inspirational Elk Grove High School football captain is attracting plenty of attention in Elk Grove Park. Joe Nurre A plaque dedicates an Elk Grove barbecue area to Joe Nurre. MCC Honors 9/11 Victims and Families (R News) Monroe Community College hosted a special 9/11 commemorative ceremony at the Remembrance Walk on the Brighton campus. The hour long event included music, inspirational speeches, a moment of silence and flowers placed at the base of the 9/11 monument there. Local review: 'Bill W. and Dr. Bob' entertaining, educational (The Pantagraph) For a gripping evening of theater as educational as it is inspirational, ?Bill W. and Dr. Bob? at Heartland Theatre Company, can?t be beat. Steve Amerson to Sing at the Congressional Medal of Honor Society's Convention (Christian News Wire) DENVER, Sept. 11 / Christian Newswire / -- Steve Amerson, well-known Inspirational music artist will be singing at the Congressional Medal of Honor Society's Annual Convention, A Celebration of Honor, in Denver, Colorado at the "Patriots Award Gala" on Friday, September 19, 2008. Radio pirate suspect arrested in Wilton Manors apartment (Sun-Sentinel) When you tune into FM 103.9 in Broward County , you're supposed to hear a sermon by Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale Pastor Bob Coy or inspirational music from the likes of Mercy Me and Steven Curtis Chapman. Randolph Reads kicks off with celebration (Asheboro Courier-Tribune) ASHEBORO ? A Randolph County initiative to unite the community in reading and discussing an inspirational non-fiction book about a nearby town?s struggles with change is under way. Honor Text Helps Americans to Remember (WCAV Charlottesville) The clock strikes 9:11am and your phone beeps, but it?s not your average text message. Instead, it?s an Honor Text, a brief inspirational message about some of America?s service men and women. Site: inspirational - Google News Gerard Lucien Gaudreau, inspirational speaker - Baltimore Sun
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