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The Right Approach
Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 9, 2003 I grew up in a happy, loving, stable home. My fiance was not as lucky. He was beaten by his parents and shuttled from relative to relative. At age 11, his parents threw him out, and he had to live on the streets until his aunt rescued him. He is the youngest of four, with three older sisters. For reasons I don't understand, he remains in almost daily contact with his family. Family gatherings typically turn into insult contests, even in public places. His sisters scream at each other, and typically one or more of them will tell me he is lazy and good for nothing. Being an only child, I have no experience with siblings, but I'm pretty sure this is not normal behavior. His parents are nice to me, but I have difficulty wondering how they could treat their children as they did. I don't want to be one of those women who makes him choose between his family or me, but I also don't want my own future children subjected to this kind of conduct. He is a wonderful, gentle, kind man, but I am not sure I can deal with his family for the rest of my life. Margie Margie, to me dealing with people who engage in over-the-top behavior is like housebreaking a puppy. You have to be absolutely patient, absolutely consistent, and absolutely firm. Tamara compares it to being a deep sea fisherman who must maintain a constant strain on the line in order to play a fish and tire it out. Whatever comparison you make, it is out of the realm of sitting down, talking things over, and being reasonable. You must let your boyfriend's family know their behavior is unacceptable in your presence, and you must let them know that there are consequences if it continues. For example, when insults and screaming occur, you could tell them if it doesn't stop, you will leave for the day. Then if it continues, go, even if it means walking out of a theater before the movie has started. Without your boyfriend's consistent support, there is little chance of success. Very frankly, a good book on dog training is likely to be more useful to you than books on etiquette, understanding others, or negotiating differences. Difficult people may change, but you have to be very patient, very consistent, and very firm. Wayne Custom Fit I am a 37-year-old female, never married. I am intelligent, kind, and fun-loving. I am attractive enough that I spent most of my twenties modeling professionally. I think I would make a great partner for someone and a good mother as well. Some of my well-meaning married friends say maybe I should just find Mr. Close Enough and go for it. The problem is I cannot be satisfied with close enough. I know, because I tried with some wonderful men who are great catches and want children, but frankly, I was bored to tears. I don't want to appear arrogant, but some people on this planet are satisfied with minivans, soccer practice on Tuesdays, and a vague feeling something is missing from their life. I am not one of them. I don't want Mr. Perfect; I know he doesn't exist. But I do want Mr. Perfect for me. Some women never marry. Perhaps I wasn't meant to be with someone special. Natalie Natalie, it is not arrogant to know what you want. Some inner part of you is saying the fate of doing it wrong is worse than the fate of not knowing if it will happen. If you settle for close enough, you will resent what you settled for. I ended up with a marriage that exceeds my greatest expectations by holding out for someone special. Perhaps another man would say of Tamara, "Gandhi couldn't get along with that woman!" But for me, she is absolutely perfect. Wayne About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
Latest News:Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for news News Corp exec becomes chief of Germany's Premiere (Reuters via Yahoo! News) News Corp's chief financial officer for Europe and Asia has been named chief executive of German pay television group Premiere, following the resignation of Michael Boernicke, Premiere said on Wednesday. News Corporation to redevelop London Wapping site (Reuters via Yahoo! News) Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation is to redevelop its Wapping site in London, moving all its UK businesses, including News International, Harper Collins, MySpace and Dow Jones, under one roof. UPI NewsTrack Entertainment News (UPI) Chesney nominated for 7 CMAs ... Hoffman: I'm not playing Penguin ... 'RocknRolla' No. 1 at U.K. box office ... Jessica Simpson stops song on 'GMA' ... News from United Press International. DailyMe: News tailored to your individual tastes (The Christian Science Monitor) Column: Custom news websites come and go, but this one gets it right. Sarah Palin docu wins record ratings for Fox News (Reuters via Yahoo! News) In a week of records surrounding the Republican National Convention, Fox News Channel earned another one with its weekend documentary on vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin. MySpace ad business ahead of target: News Corp (Reuters via Yahoo! News) News Corp's (NWSa.N) MySpace advertising business is operating ahead of expectations and its digital ad business is performing better than the marketplace, the company's chief operating officer said on Tuesday. STOCKS NEWS EUROPE-Erdemir shares fall on iron ore prices (Reuters via Yahoo! Malaysia News) STOCKS NEWS Reuters Results diary News Buzz: Recreating the Big Bang, Gates Urges Slow Iraq Drawdown, Ike Gains Strength (US News & World Report) Top news from the Associated Press For consumers, good news down the line (Sun-Sentinel) Whether you buy a new iPod or not, there may be good news for you in Apple's release of new iPods on Tuesday . Fox News Vaults To Top Of Primetime Ratings (MultiChannel News) Who says no one watches political conventions? Fox News Channel?s coverage of GOP Presidential nominee John McCain?s Sept. 4 acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention drew 9.2 million viewers, topping all other basic cable shows last week, according to Nielsen Media Research data. Site: news - Google News CNET News Daily Podcast: Say hello to the Palm Pre - CNET News
MORE RESOURCES: Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for inspirational Inspirational Experts in Fashion, Cuisine and Lifestyle to Share Tips and Trends at Orange County Head to Toe Women's ... (PRWeb) Southern California's premiere women's consumer show, the Head to Toe Women's Expo returns to OC Fair and Event Center in Costa Mesa, Calif., October 10, 11 and 12, 2008. Presented by Ralphs Grocery, the Head to Toe Women's Expo gives mothers, daughters, and girlfriends a chance to reconnect during a weekend of shopping, pampering, makeovers and inspirational speakers. Several experts, ... http://firepit-plans.com Introduces "The Fire Pit Planner Guide" a Comprehensive Inspirational Guide to Building ... (PRWeb via Yahoo! News) http://firepit-plans.com is a new site that offers a unique do-it-yourself inspirational plan to building fire pits, the guide offers tips and advice on operating and constructing fire pits in the outdoors, house garden or backyard. Reporter's Notebook (Dallas Morning News) Certain parts of Irving City Hall will soon be getting makeovers. Residents and visitors can expect to see inspirational quotes on walls and prominent displays of the city?s mission statement within a couple of months. Bob Walter: Iraq hero gets moving tribute in Elk Grove Park (The Sacramento Bee) For a hero: As if anybody could forget Joe Nurre of Wilton, a fitting and permanent memorial to the inspirational Elk Grove High School football captain is attracting plenty of attention in Elk Grove Park. Joe Nurre A plaque dedicates an Elk Grove barbecue area to Joe Nurre. MCC Honors 9/11 Victims and Families (R News) Monroe Community College hosted a special 9/11 commemorative ceremony at the Remembrance Walk on the Brighton campus. The hour long event included music, inspirational speeches, a moment of silence and flowers placed at the base of the 9/11 monument there. Local review: 'Bill W. and Dr. Bob' entertaining, educational (The Pantagraph) For a gripping evening of theater as educational as it is inspirational, ?Bill W. and Dr. Bob? at Heartland Theatre Company, can?t be beat. Steve Amerson to Sing at the Congressional Medal of Honor Society's Convention (Christian News Wire) DENVER, Sept. 11 / Christian Newswire / -- Steve Amerson, well-known Inspirational music artist will be singing at the Congressional Medal of Honor Society's Annual Convention, A Celebration of Honor, in Denver, Colorado at the "Patriots Award Gala" on Friday, September 19, 2008. Radio pirate suspect arrested in Wilton Manors apartment (Sun-Sentinel) When you tune into FM 103.9 in Broward County , you're supposed to hear a sermon by Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale Pastor Bob Coy or inspirational music from the likes of Mercy Me and Steven Curtis Chapman. Randolph Reads kicks off with celebration (Asheboro Courier-Tribune) ASHEBORO ? A Randolph County initiative to unite the community in reading and discussing an inspirational non-fiction book about a nearby town?s struggles with change is under way. Honor Text Helps Americans to Remember (WCAV Charlottesville) The clock strikes 9:11am and your phone beeps, but it?s not your average text message. Instead, it?s an Honor Text, a brief inspirational message about some of America?s service men and women. Site: inspirational - Google News Gerard Lucien Gaudreau, inspirational speaker - Baltimore Sun
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