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A New Strategy
Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 3, 2003 My mother-in-law drives me crazy! She is an antisocial, critical, know-it-all who can't find anything decent to say about anyone but herself. Every time she comes to visit it puts such a damper on my relationship with my wife, it takes us days to recover. We have never really gotten along, but lately it has gotten much worse. She left yesterday after a week's visit, and my wife and I didn't talk the rest of the day. My mother-in-law barely gets along with her own sisters who live next door to her, and she is estranged from her own mother. She has only two friends in the whole world and no social life. She spends hours each day watching television and doing genealogy research. When we got married 11 years ago, she said, "Don't call me mom, and don't expect me to love you more than my own children." She divorced her husband after eight years and four children. She then devoted her life to her kids, to the exclusion of the rest of the world. She constantly talks about what we can and should do with our house, our property, and our money. Every time she comes over she points out things she thinks are wrong in our house. The final straw came during her second to last visit. She blamed me for telling her to park at a train station where she got a parking ticket. I wasn't with her at the time, and I didn't tell her where to park. But she told my wife, "If I hadn't listened to your blankety-blank husband?" This last visit we borrowed a suitcase. The handle was damaged during baggage handling, so she had it repaired and we paid to get it fixed. In the meantime she damaged the interior of our car, which she borrowed, and never mentioned it. Then my wife wonders why I resent my mother-in-law. This woman constantly criticizes her nieces for bad lifestyles, yet she never talks about her two kids, the crack addict son who steals from his dad, and the living-on-the-fringe daughter who was imprisoned twice for credit card theft and fraud. I try to be polite, but her constant bad behavior puts a damper on my best intentions. It doesn't help that I don't have a sparkling personality myself. I have a reprieve until Christmas. Help me get this under control before then! Kirk Kirk, we don't believe in rewarding bad behavior with good treatment. Not only will that not discourage bad behavior, it worsens it. You have seen that for yourself. You have been polite, and your mother-in-law's behavior is getting worse. It is as if you have been thrust into a boxing ring against your will. An honorable boxer wouldn't hit an unwilling person, but your mother-in-law hits below the belt, throws kidney punches, and bites in the clinches. You have had enough provocation to at least defend yourself. You can't change her, but you can change how you deal with her, and that may mean fighting fire with fire. It may sound harsh, but when your mother-in-law criticizes you, inquire if her daughter is turning her life around. When she accuses you of things you haven't done, ask about her son's rehab. Or on a more subtle level, you could give her books about how to be a good guest, a good friend, and a good person. She could also use a good book on manners. Your mother-in-law needs to understand that negative comments about your life will be met with negative comments about her life. By the same token meet any positives from her with positives from you. Self-centered people view politeness and good manners in others as a weakness they can exploit. There is only one strategy which is likely to work for you. Make this a Christmas your mother-in-law will remember. Wayne & Tamara About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
Latest News:Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for news News Corp exec becomes chief of Germany's Premiere (Reuters via Yahoo! News) News Corp's chief financial officer for Europe and Asia has been named chief executive of German pay television group Premiere, following the resignation of Michael Boernicke, Premiere said on Wednesday. News Corporation to redevelop London Wapping site (Reuters via Yahoo! News) Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation is to redevelop its Wapping site in London, moving all its UK businesses, including News International, Harper Collins, MySpace and Dow Jones, under one roof. UPI NewsTrack Entertainment News (UPI) Chesney nominated for 7 CMAs ... Hoffman: I'm not playing Penguin ... 'RocknRolla' No. 1 at U.K. box office ... Jessica Simpson stops song on 'GMA' ... News from United Press International. DailyMe: News tailored to your individual tastes (The Christian Science Monitor) Column: Custom news websites come and go, but this one gets it right. Sarah Palin docu wins record ratings for Fox News (Reuters via Yahoo! News) In a week of records surrounding the Republican National Convention, Fox News Channel earned another one with its weekend documentary on vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin. MySpace ad business ahead of target: News Corp (Reuters via Yahoo! News) News Corp's (NWSa.N) MySpace advertising business is operating ahead of expectations and its digital ad business is performing better than the marketplace, the company's chief operating officer said on Tuesday. STOCKS NEWS EUROPE-Erdemir shares fall on iron ore prices (Reuters via Yahoo! Malaysia News) STOCKS NEWS Reuters Results diary News Buzz: Recreating the Big Bang, Gates Urges Slow Iraq Drawdown, Ike Gains Strength (US News & World Report) Top news from the Associated Press For consumers, good news down the line (Sun-Sentinel) Whether you buy a new iPod or not, there may be good news for you in Apple's release of new iPods on Tuesday . Fox News Vaults To Top Of Primetime Ratings (MultiChannel News) Who says no one watches political conventions? Fox News Channel?s coverage of GOP Presidential nominee John McCain?s Sept. 4 acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention drew 9.2 million viewers, topping all other basic cable shows last week, according to Nielsen Media Research data. Site: news - Google News Palm Unveils New 'Nova' Software, 'Palm Pre' Phone - CNNMoney.com
MORE RESOURCES: Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for inspirational Inspirational Experts in Fashion, Cuisine and Lifestyle to Share Tips and Trends at Orange County Head to Toe Women's ... (PRWeb) Southern California's premiere women's consumer show, the Head to Toe Women's Expo returns to OC Fair and Event Center in Costa Mesa, Calif., October 10, 11 and 12, 2008. Presented by Ralphs Grocery, the Head to Toe Women's Expo gives mothers, daughters, and girlfriends a chance to reconnect during a weekend of shopping, pampering, makeovers and inspirational speakers. Several experts, ... http://firepit-plans.com Introduces "The Fire Pit Planner Guide" a Comprehensive Inspirational Guide to Building ... (PRWeb via Yahoo! News) http://firepit-plans.com is a new site that offers a unique do-it-yourself inspirational plan to building fire pits, the guide offers tips and advice on operating and constructing fire pits in the outdoors, house garden or backyard. Reporter's Notebook (Dallas Morning News) Certain parts of Irving City Hall will soon be getting makeovers. Residents and visitors can expect to see inspirational quotes on walls and prominent displays of the city?s mission statement within a couple of months. Bob Walter: Iraq hero gets moving tribute in Elk Grove Park (The Sacramento Bee) For a hero: As if anybody could forget Joe Nurre of Wilton, a fitting and permanent memorial to the inspirational Elk Grove High School football captain is attracting plenty of attention in Elk Grove Park. Joe Nurre A plaque dedicates an Elk Grove barbecue area to Joe Nurre. MCC Honors 9/11 Victims and Families (R News) Monroe Community College hosted a special 9/11 commemorative ceremony at the Remembrance Walk on the Brighton campus. The hour long event included music, inspirational speeches, a moment of silence and flowers placed at the base of the 9/11 monument there. Local review: 'Bill W. and Dr. Bob' entertaining, educational (The Pantagraph) For a gripping evening of theater as educational as it is inspirational, ?Bill W. and Dr. Bob? at Heartland Theatre Company, can?t be beat. Steve Amerson to Sing at the Congressional Medal of Honor Society's Convention (Christian News Wire) DENVER, Sept. 11 / Christian Newswire / -- Steve Amerson, well-known Inspirational music artist will be singing at the Congressional Medal of Honor Society's Annual Convention, A Celebration of Honor, in Denver, Colorado at the "Patriots Award Gala" on Friday, September 19, 2008. Radio pirate suspect arrested in Wilton Manors apartment (Sun-Sentinel) When you tune into FM 103.9 in Broward County , you're supposed to hear a sermon by Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale Pastor Bob Coy or inspirational music from the likes of Mercy Me and Steven Curtis Chapman. Randolph Reads kicks off with celebration (Asheboro Courier-Tribune) ASHEBORO ? A Randolph County initiative to unite the community in reading and discussing an inspirational non-fiction book about a nearby town?s struggles with change is under way. Honor Text Helps Americans to Remember (WCAV Charlottesville) The clock strikes 9:11am and your phone beeps, but it?s not your average text message. Instead, it?s an Honor Text, a brief inspirational message about some of America?s service men and women. Site: inspirational - Google News Gerard Lucien Gaudreau, inspirational speaker - Baltimore Sun
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