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By Now, Im an Expert at Memory Loss
I sat down to write my weekly humor column, but I just could not remember what I wanted to write about. This seems to be an increasingly more common affliction, ever since I turned 40. For instance, like most people over 40, I often can't remember my age. In fact, I am quite certain I am not yet 40. How do I know? Well, I can't remember turning 40, for starters. But memory loss is nothing new for me. It began when I was born. Try as I might, I just cannot remember being born. This strikes me as strange. Birth is arguably the most momentous and triumphant event in a person's life. It is the reason I am alive. It is my coming out party. Birth is a tremendous opportunity for personal growth and a fairly important prerequisite for developing proper social etiquette. People even celebrate the anniversary of my birth every year by converging on my house or throwing heart-attack-inducing Surprise!! parties. But strangely, none of the birthday celebrations have helped me remember my birth. Even stranger is that people who could have no memory of my birth, such as my wife and younger brothers, keep celebrating it. Perhaps memory loss is the result of trauma. We block out from our memory traumatic events. Like birth, for instance. Imagine being squeezed through a steel toilet paper tube with mucus and blood and other assorted ooey gooey stuff, with something resembling an alien tentacle protruding from where your bellybutton is supposed to be. Sure, birth was my highest moment of triumph, but I am in no hurry to repeat it. I prefer to retire while I am still at the top of your game. Little Sister had a more traumatic birth than many, and we posted her child birth story with pictures at: http://www.thehappyguy.com/birth-story.html . Fortunately, she did not retire at the top of her game, as she continues to improve. I have never been able to remember names either. Perhaps that is because meeting people is also traumatic. I say that in jest, because that is what I am supposed to do in a humor column, but many people find it very traumatic to meet new people, which is one of the reasons I recommend them to The Fine Art of Small Talk: http://www.thehappyguy.com/book-review-small-talk.html I, on the other hand, find it traumatic to meet old people. One reason I work from home, sitting in front of a computer screen, might be to avoid too many stand-up receptions trying to remember the names of strangers I'm supposed to know. I just can't remember their names. It's not totally true. I can often remember names, I just can't seem to attach them to faces, which I hear is a common problem. Like many people, my brain-glue was recalled for factory defects. I should have opened that recall notice when it arrived. One game you can play to help attach names to faces is pin-the-name-on-the-donkey. This works great for people with defective brain-glue, because it uses ins instead of glue. I suggest you do this in your mind, not in the actual reception room. Many people object to having things pinned to their faces, and a few might even object to being called donkeys. Most importantly, you could be in violation of local safety ordinances, especially if you use a stapler. Another common strategy many people use to remember names is to repeat the person's name several times. However, I think that sounds a bit silly. "And who are you?" "It's Trina." "Hi Trina, how are you?" "Just great. How are the kids?" "Trina, the kids are doing very well. How are yours?" "I don't have kids." "I see, Trina." "After meeting every month at this function for the past decade, I thought you would remember that I have no kids. By the way, why do you keep repeating my name?" Perhaps meeting people is less traumatic than being born. At least I do remember meeting people, and not always waking up in a cold sweat. And I do remember their names. And I do remember their faces. And I even remember a few of their birthdays. But try as I might, I don't remember any of them being born. Now, what was I going to write about this week? I just can't remember. About The Author David Leonhardt is a humor columnist: http://www.TheHappyGuy.com/positive-thinking-free-ezine.html Read more humor and funny stories: http://www.thehappyguy.com/humor-articles.html
Latest News:Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for news News Corp exec becomes chief of Germany's Premiere (Reuters via Yahoo! News) News Corp's chief financial officer for Europe and Asia has been named chief executive of German pay television group Premiere, following the resignation of Michael Boernicke, Premiere said on Wednesday. News Corporation to redevelop London Wapping site (Reuters via Yahoo! News) Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation is to redevelop its Wapping site in London, moving all its UK businesses, including News International, Harper Collins, MySpace and Dow Jones, under one roof. UPI NewsTrack Entertainment News (UPI) Chesney nominated for 7 CMAs ... Hoffman: I'm not playing Penguin ... 'RocknRolla' No. 1 at U.K. box office ... Jessica Simpson stops song on 'GMA' ... News from United Press International. DailyMe: News tailored to your individual tastes (The Christian Science Monitor) Column: Custom news websites come and go, but this one gets it right. Sarah Palin docu wins record ratings for Fox News (Reuters via Yahoo! News) In a week of records surrounding the Republican National Convention, Fox News Channel earned another one with its weekend documentary on vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin. MySpace ad business ahead of target: News Corp (Reuters via Yahoo! News) News Corp's (NWSa.N) MySpace advertising business is operating ahead of expectations and its digital ad business is performing better than the marketplace, the company's chief operating officer said on Tuesday. STOCKS NEWS EUROPE-Erdemir shares fall on iron ore prices (Reuters via Yahoo! Malaysia News) STOCKS NEWS Reuters Results diary News Buzz: Recreating the Big Bang, Gates Urges Slow Iraq Drawdown, Ike Gains Strength (US News & World Report) Top news from the Associated Press For consumers, good news down the line (Sun-Sentinel) Whether you buy a new iPod or not, there may be good news for you in Apple's release of new iPods on Tuesday . Fox News Vaults To Top Of Primetime Ratings (MultiChannel News) Who says no one watches political conventions? Fox News Channel?s coverage of GOP Presidential nominee John McCain?s Sept. 4 acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention drew 9.2 million viewers, topping all other basic cable shows last week, according to Nielsen Media Research data. Site: news - Google News Palm Unveils New 'Nova' Software, 'Palm Pre' Phone - CNNMoney.com
MORE RESOURCES: Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for inspirational Inspirational Experts in Fashion, Cuisine and Lifestyle to Share Tips and Trends at Orange County Head to Toe Women's ... (PRWeb) Southern California's premiere women's consumer show, the Head to Toe Women's Expo returns to OC Fair and Event Center in Costa Mesa, Calif., October 10, 11 and 12, 2008. Presented by Ralphs Grocery, the Head to Toe Women's Expo gives mothers, daughters, and girlfriends a chance to reconnect during a weekend of shopping, pampering, makeovers and inspirational speakers. Several experts, ... http://firepit-plans.com Introduces "The Fire Pit Planner Guide" a Comprehensive Inspirational Guide to Building ... (PRWeb via Yahoo! News) http://firepit-plans.com is a new site that offers a unique do-it-yourself inspirational plan to building fire pits, the guide offers tips and advice on operating and constructing fire pits in the outdoors, house garden or backyard. Reporter's Notebook (Dallas Morning News) Certain parts of Irving City Hall will soon be getting makeovers. Residents and visitors can expect to see inspirational quotes on walls and prominent displays of the city?s mission statement within a couple of months. Bob Walter: Iraq hero gets moving tribute in Elk Grove Park (The Sacramento Bee) For a hero: As if anybody could forget Joe Nurre of Wilton, a fitting and permanent memorial to the inspirational Elk Grove High School football captain is attracting plenty of attention in Elk Grove Park. Joe Nurre A plaque dedicates an Elk Grove barbecue area to Joe Nurre. MCC Honors 9/11 Victims and Families (R News) Monroe Community College hosted a special 9/11 commemorative ceremony at the Remembrance Walk on the Brighton campus. The hour long event included music, inspirational speeches, a moment of silence and flowers placed at the base of the 9/11 monument there. Local review: 'Bill W. and Dr. Bob' entertaining, educational (The Pantagraph) For a gripping evening of theater as educational as it is inspirational, ?Bill W. and Dr. Bob? at Heartland Theatre Company, can?t be beat. Steve Amerson to Sing at the Congressional Medal of Honor Society's Convention (Christian News Wire) DENVER, Sept. 11 / Christian Newswire / -- Steve Amerson, well-known Inspirational music artist will be singing at the Congressional Medal of Honor Society's Annual Convention, A Celebration of Honor, in Denver, Colorado at the "Patriots Award Gala" on Friday, September 19, 2008. Radio pirate suspect arrested in Wilton Manors apartment (Sun-Sentinel) When you tune into FM 103.9 in Broward County , you're supposed to hear a sermon by Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale Pastor Bob Coy or inspirational music from the likes of Mercy Me and Steven Curtis Chapman. Randolph Reads kicks off with celebration (Asheboro Courier-Tribune) ASHEBORO ? A Randolph County initiative to unite the community in reading and discussing an inspirational non-fiction book about a nearby town?s struggles with change is under way. Honor Text Helps Americans to Remember (WCAV Charlottesville) The clock strikes 9:11am and your phone beeps, but it?s not your average text message. Instead, it?s an Honor Text, a brief inspirational message about some of America?s service men and women. Site: inspirational - Google News Gerard Lucien Gaudreau, inspirational speaker - Baltimore Sun
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