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Adages for the New Age
The old familiar adages just don't do it for me any more. For instance, consider "the early bird gets the worm." In this age of freelancing, premature ejaculation and peaking too early in one's career (by age 24) a more appropriate adage might be "The early bird dies earlier." Another one that has been puzzling me lately is "Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy wealthy and wise.' Sure it does if the woman is staying up late cleaning the house and taking care of the kids after working a full day at the office. Not only is the adage sexist but it also doesn't make any sense. Most people who work these hours slave at low paying jobs with little chance at advancement. Shouldn't it read, "Early to bed, early to rise, makes the corporation I slave for wealthy and wise?" "The doors of wisdom are never shut." This also should be revised to read, "The doors of a 24 hour Drug or Convenience Store are never shut." It is more truthful. Another migraine-maker is "You reap what you sow." Now whether this is supposed to apply to gardening or whatever, we know this is not true. Many individuals slave for years on projects that don't pay off, couples copulate to try and have babies with no result and people sow wheat all the time only to have it destroyed by frost or rainstorms. In these hard times, doesn't a saying such as "You reap what is available" make much more sense? Also problematic is the ultimate adage about being sweet -- you "attract more flies with honey." The trouble with this kind of "honey" is it also attracts other creatures such as raccoons, bears and others that would rape you of your charms. Also I am very suspicious of charming people. Often they want to borrow money from you or some other favour. I think it should be changed to "Beware those bearing gifts of honey, as they probably want bread." I also have a problem with "He who laughs last, laughs best." I think that should be changed to "He who laughs last, laughs alone." Nobody likes a joke at his or her expense. A bird in the hand is definitely NOT worth two in the bush. A bird in the hand is worth about $2.99 a pound! I also think "crime doesn't pay" should be revised to read, "Crime does pay, especially if you are a politician." I would like to also suggest some new adages that are more appropriate for the 21st century: "Lips that taste wine, shall never touch mine" should be changed to "Lips that taste wine shall never die from a heart attack." Longing for the pre-Plague era? How about: "Let's put the promise back in promiscuity." How about "A Rolling Stone gathers no taxes, (especially if they relocate to Switzerland)." "Do unto others as you would have them do onto you unless you are a sadist." "A Fool and his furniture are soon parted, especially if there is no downpayment for a year!" After observing the neighbor across the way, I also came up "Fools who live in glass houses should not strut around naked in front of the window after a shower." "There's no fool like an old fool" should be replaced with "age and treachery outwits beauty and youth every time." In these conscientious times, Make Love Not War' would have to be changed to "Make Love Wearing the Appropriate Contraception not War. I've always thought that saying "Fools rush in where angels fear to tread" makes more sense in reverse. "Angels rush in where even fools fear to tread..." I am thinking about firefighters, policeman, charitable workers, Greenpeace and other angels on earth. One of the only adages that makes sense to me is the Chinese one "The Bigger The Front, the Bigger the back." Think about it, it makes sense. I am also fond of the old Jamaican adage "Cat Don't Make No Dog." Well unless you factor in bioengineering in which case it is possible that a cat can make a dog. After all "With God, Anything is Possible and that is What I Am Afraid Of." Samantha Steven's articles have been published in many high-standing newspapers and she has published several books. If you wish to buy Samantha's books about metaphysics click herehttp://www.insomniacpress.com/author.html?id=110You can meet Samantha Stevens at http://www.psychicrealm.com where she works as a professional psychic. You can also read more of her articles at http://www.newagenotebook.com
Latest News:Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for news News Corp exec becomes chief of Germany's Premiere (Reuters via Yahoo! News) News Corp's chief financial officer for Europe and Asia has been named chief executive of German pay television group Premiere, following the resignation of Michael Boernicke, Premiere said on Wednesday. News Corporation to redevelop London Wapping site (Reuters via Yahoo! News) Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation is to redevelop its Wapping site in London, moving all its UK businesses, including News International, Harper Collins, MySpace and Dow Jones, under one roof. UPI NewsTrack Entertainment News (UPI) Chesney nominated for 7 CMAs ... Hoffman: I'm not playing Penguin ... 'RocknRolla' No. 1 at U.K. box office ... Jessica Simpson stops song on 'GMA' ... News from United Press International. DailyMe: News tailored to your individual tastes (The Christian Science Monitor) Column: Custom news websites come and go, but this one gets it right. Sarah Palin docu wins record ratings for Fox News (Reuters via Yahoo! News) In a week of records surrounding the Republican National Convention, Fox News Channel earned another one with its weekend documentary on vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin. MySpace ad business ahead of target: News Corp (Reuters via Yahoo! News) News Corp's (NWSa.N) MySpace advertising business is operating ahead of expectations and its digital ad business is performing better than the marketplace, the company's chief operating officer said on Tuesday. STOCKS NEWS EUROPE-Erdemir shares fall on iron ore prices (Reuters via Yahoo! Malaysia News) STOCKS NEWS Reuters Results diary News Buzz: Recreating the Big Bang, Gates Urges Slow Iraq Drawdown, Ike Gains Strength (US News & World Report) Top news from the Associated Press For consumers, good news down the line (Sun-Sentinel) Whether you buy a new iPod or not, there may be good news for you in Apple's release of new iPods on Tuesday . Fox News Vaults To Top Of Primetime Ratings (MultiChannel News) Who says no one watches political conventions? Fox News Channel?s coverage of GOP Presidential nominee John McCain?s Sept. 4 acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention drew 9.2 million viewers, topping all other basic cable shows last week, according to Nielsen Media Research data. Site: news - Google News CNET News Daily Podcast: Say hello to the Palm Pre - CNET News
MORE RESOURCES: Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for inspirational Inspirational Experts in Fashion, Cuisine and Lifestyle to Share Tips and Trends at Orange County Head to Toe Women's ... (PRWeb) Southern California's premiere women's consumer show, the Head to Toe Women's Expo returns to OC Fair and Event Center in Costa Mesa, Calif., October 10, 11 and 12, 2008. Presented by Ralphs Grocery, the Head to Toe Women's Expo gives mothers, daughters, and girlfriends a chance to reconnect during a weekend of shopping, pampering, makeovers and inspirational speakers. Several experts, ... http://firepit-plans.com Introduces "The Fire Pit Planner Guide" a Comprehensive Inspirational Guide to Building ... (PRWeb via Yahoo! News) http://firepit-plans.com is a new site that offers a unique do-it-yourself inspirational plan to building fire pits, the guide offers tips and advice on operating and constructing fire pits in the outdoors, house garden or backyard. Reporter's Notebook (Dallas Morning News) Certain parts of Irving City Hall will soon be getting makeovers. Residents and visitors can expect to see inspirational quotes on walls and prominent displays of the city?s mission statement within a couple of months. Bob Walter: Iraq hero gets moving tribute in Elk Grove Park (The Sacramento Bee) For a hero: As if anybody could forget Joe Nurre of Wilton, a fitting and permanent memorial to the inspirational Elk Grove High School football captain is attracting plenty of attention in Elk Grove Park. Joe Nurre A plaque dedicates an Elk Grove barbecue area to Joe Nurre. MCC Honors 9/11 Victims and Families (R News) Monroe Community College hosted a special 9/11 commemorative ceremony at the Remembrance Walk on the Brighton campus. The hour long event included music, inspirational speeches, a moment of silence and flowers placed at the base of the 9/11 monument there. Local review: 'Bill W. and Dr. Bob' entertaining, educational (The Pantagraph) For a gripping evening of theater as educational as it is inspirational, ?Bill W. and Dr. Bob? at Heartland Theatre Company, can?t be beat. Steve Amerson to Sing at the Congressional Medal of Honor Society's Convention (Christian News Wire) DENVER, Sept. 11 / Christian Newswire / -- Steve Amerson, well-known Inspirational music artist will be singing at the Congressional Medal of Honor Society's Annual Convention, A Celebration of Honor, in Denver, Colorado at the "Patriots Award Gala" on Friday, September 19, 2008. Radio pirate suspect arrested in Wilton Manors apartment (Sun-Sentinel) When you tune into FM 103.9 in Broward County , you're supposed to hear a sermon by Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale Pastor Bob Coy or inspirational music from the likes of Mercy Me and Steven Curtis Chapman. Randolph Reads kicks off with celebration (Asheboro Courier-Tribune) ASHEBORO ? A Randolph County initiative to unite the community in reading and discussing an inspirational non-fiction book about a nearby town?s struggles with change is under way. Honor Text Helps Americans to Remember (WCAV Charlottesville) The clock strikes 9:11am and your phone beeps, but it?s not your average text message. Instead, it?s an Honor Text, a brief inspirational message about some of America?s service men and women. Site: inspirational - Google News Gerard Lucien Gaudreau, inspirational speaker - Baltimore Sun
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