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Dumb Luck
I've never really thought of myself as being funny. I don't have much of a sense of humor at all. My ex-husband used to tell me dumb jokes all the time and I didn't laugh, not even to be polite like everyone else would do. Yet the strange thing is that people who've read some of my life stories have found them to be hilarious. I'm not sure if that's good or bad considering those stories actually happened. Let me put it another way: I'm not really funny; I just do dumb things. What kind of things you might ask. Well, the usual like walking down the street with my daughter, running my mouth at full speed until I walk right into the pole that I didn't see. I didn't find that episode the least bit humorous although my daughter and everyone else on the street did. See, I told you I have no sense of humor. Doing dumb things seems to be part of my nature. For example, I used to love going to bingo. In fact, I was practically addicted. My sister-in-law and I would go to bingo faithfully and I will never forget some of our most embarrassing bingo moments. One night as we were rushing to get to our favorite bingo, my sister-in-law, Sue took a leap of faith. And I do mean leap. Well, in all honesty it was more of a splat! She was running late as usual so she parked her car in the parking lot of the employment office which was right behind my house. The lodge where the bingo was being held was right across the street from my home. Sue hurriedly parked, grabbed her purse and bingo supplies, locked the car door and ran through the parking lot toward my house not realizing that a chain was blocking the other end of the lot. She ran right into the chain which sent her flying onto the concrete roadway as a rain of bingo chips fell down around her. Although her hands got scraped up a bit as she tried to brace for her fall, the embarrassment was more painful. Then I recall another time when me and Sue decided to go to a late night bingo where the prizes were pretty high and we felt lucky. Apparently a lot of other people felt lucky too because when we got there the place was so crowded that we were offered two options: either turn around and go home (we drove quite a distance to get there) or sit on the floor. As we looked around at the other people who had opted for the second choice, we decided to join them. Our seating arrangements turned out to be in a most convenient spot - right next to the ladies restroom. At least I didn't have far to go to relieve myself of the vast amount of caffeine I had consumed throughout the day. But as with most things, it did have its downside. Women kept stepping over us all night long on their way to the potty. My knees went stiff after sitting in semi-lotus position for over three hours and to top off the perfect night my entire winnings totaled a whopping five dollars! But the night wasn't over yet. It was kind of freaky when I glanced up at the window directly across the room from me and saw my husband's face gazing back at me. In the fraction of a second that it took to blink, I glanced back at the window and he was gone. I told my sister-in-law about the strange sighting but she just laughed and said he was on my mind. As we filed out of the bingo hall with numb rear ends and lighter pockets, I heard my name cut through the night air in a harsh sounding but familiar tone. The bingo had actually lasted longer than we had anticipated and my husband was worried, not to mention, jealous and not as trusting as he should have been. All I heard was, "Get in the car!" I knew it was a waste of time to even argue. I was just glad that he could never stay mad at me for very long, even though I hadn't done anything wrong anyway. It was certainly not a profitable night for me or my sister-in-law. Lady Luck had left us with sore buns, stiff knees an empty pockets. Talk about dumb luck! Darlene Zagata is a freelance writer and columnist for the print publication Moon Shadows Magazine. She is also the author of "Aftertaste: A Collection of Poems" and "The Choosing." Her work has been published extensively both online and in print. For more information visit her website at http://darlenezagata.tripod.com or contact Darlene at darzagata@yahoo.com
Latest News:Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for news Sarah Palin docu wins record ratings for Fox News (Reuters via Yahoo! News) In a week of records surrounding the Republican National Convention, Fox News Channel earned another one with its weekend documentary on vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin. MySpace ad business ahead of target: News Corp (Reuters via Yahoo! News) News Corp's (NWSa.N) MySpace advertising business is operating ahead of expectations and its digital ad business is performing better than the marketplace, the company's chief operating officer said on Tuesday. Relief: Cubs get good news on Zambrano, Harden (ESPN) The Cubs received encouraging news on pitchers Rich Harden and Carlos Zambrano on Tuesday. False bankruptcy item highlights risks in online news (Market Watch) Investors are getting a fresh lesson in the power and perils of lightning-fast news on the Web in an already fast-moving market. Petraeus to Brief FOX News on Final Battlefield Tour (Fox News) Gen David Petraeus, fresh off an announcement that thousands of U.S. troops will be withdrawn from Iraq, will give his final U.S. interview to FOX News Wednesday before handing over control of U.S.-led forces in Iraq to Gen. Raymond Odierno next week. Lesson 6: Broadcasting news (BBC News) Students practise reading the news and produce a news programme adhering to a strict deadline. UPI NewsTrack Quirks in the News (UPI) Car crash knocks woman off toilet ? Woman uses Feng Shui after car hits home ? Mistakenly diagosed man gives away savings ? Wisconsin man eats 23,000 Big Macs ? UPI Quirks in the News. Lesson 5: Ordering news (BBC News) Students order several reports to make a news programme which appeals to a specific audience. Lesson 3: Writing News (BBC News) Students write a news script which is clear, concise and correct - the three Cs of journalism. Yahoo News Redesign May Pull a Technorati ? Why Not Twitter? (Wired News) Bloggers have uncovered URLs for a new Yahoo News layout which includes a ?Most Blogged? section. The list is presumably based off Buzz Tracker, which displays related blog posts and those that link back to an article. But wouldn't a "Twittered About" section make the site seem more cutting-edge? Site: news - Google News Palm Unveils New 'Nova' Software, 'Palm Pre' Phone - CNNMoney.com
MORE RESOURCES: Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for humor New play finds humor in horror (Brigham Young NewsNet) 'Bread of Affliction,' a new production by the BYU Experimental Theatre Company, which will run Sept. 12 and 13, demonstrates how the Jewish people have survived many things largely through the power of humor. 'Whole lotta kid' kept humor despite cancer (Miami Herald) From the minute he was born, on Nov. 22, 1995, at 8.2 pounds, Bailey Blu Kayes was ``a whole lotta kid.'' He was, said his mother, Nicole Bailey, ``all energy -- running full speed, nonstop.'' TenantReports.com Injects a Sense of Humor into the Housing Market Amidst Credit Crisis (PRWeb) The mortgage meltdown makes tenant screening more important than ever for independent real estate investors. Real estate services site, www.TenantReports.com , aims to educate landlords on effectively screening potential tenants, while bringing a smile to those wrought with anxiety or fear of foreclosure at the thought of taking on tenants who can't pay the rent. (PRWeb Sep 11, 2008) Read ... Try humor to discourage kids' drama (The Charlotte Observer) Q. Our 16-year-old daughter constantly tells her younger siblings what to do and how to do it, and that the way they do things isn't good enough. It creates daily friction. What can we do to make it stop? A sense of humor would help. Fifty-plus years ago parents took child-raising seriously, but they took children, for the most part, with the proverbial grain of salt. Today's parents take ... Glossy thriller "Fringe" has heart, humor (Reuters via Yahoo! News) Strange things are happening, which is what you'd expect in a new series from J.J. Abrams. York County calendar of events (York County Coast Star) Talk: "The Art of Maine Humor" by Tim Sample at the Ogunquit Museum of American Art, at 6:30 p.m. 646-5511 / www.ogunquitplayhouse.org. Golden anniversary for Davidsons (Georgetown Record) What keeps a marriage strong and healthy for 50 years? The grown children of Georgetown residents Bob and Betty Davidson think it is their love of strong family values plus a shared sense of humor and acceptance of each other. ?Spiderwick Chronicles? comes to Fenton library (Tri-County Times) Fenton ? What do you get when you cross ice cream with a VCR? The answer? A ?time-out.? ?Hob the troll? from the Renaissance Festival, with his own special humor, music and stories, was the highlight of a ?Spiderwick Chronicles? event at Jack R. Winegarden Library in Fenton. Varner: College education puts wage earners ahead of curve (The Pantagraph) A grandfather in the area sent an e-mail commenting on a recent article and also remembered my youthful enthusiasm, humor and respect for students. He couldn?t however quite remember when he was in my class. A quick check in the grade book showed it was fall 1975. I was brand new at Illinois State University. God has a sense of humor (The South Alabamian) Psalm 59 :7-8 (NLT) "Listen to the filth that comes from their mouths; their words cut like swords. 'After all, who can hear us?' they sneer. But LORD, you laugh at them. You scoff at all the hostile nations." Jesus faced the problem of pride with many of his closest disciples. Site: humor - Google News 'Darwin Awards': accidental humor - Baltimore Sun
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