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Mexican Spaminator
When we decided to move to Mexico, one of the most exciting things that popped into my mind was that I would get a new Internet Service Provider and finally get off the 300,000,000 Spam lists that I was on. I thought for sure I would go insane if I received one more "How to Enlarge Your Manhood" piece of Spam-as if I needed to do that anyway (yeah right). But alas, there are things in life that you cannot escape no matter where you flee and Spam is one of them. The funny thing is, there apparently is not a market for the "How to Enlarge your Manhood" spam here in Mexico. I dare not speculate why although I would very much like to know. I am however, too squeamish to even think of bringing up the issue with anyone, much less my Mexican pals who have internet access. Besides, I cannot even begin to figure out how to ask the question in Spanish-egad!--how on earth would I translate, "manhood"? I am going to have a nightmare over that. Anyway, I am getting Spam here in Mexico. They have finally found me. For the first year of being here in Guanajuato, we didn't have a computer but used the Internet Cafes. Now that we do, it is as if we have become a spaminator-magnet. Just how do they locate you? I wish I had a Person-who-is-a-Spammer magnet so I could locate all the Spammers and then give them a good spam-slapping.This morning, I opened my hotmail account (Oh God! Do you think I've just tipped off more Spaminators by telling them I have a hotmail account?) and lo and behold, there was Spam waiting for me! The subject line read "Miracle Burn". Miracle burn? This was the first time in my life I had ever heard of a burn being a miracle. No thank you, I thought, burns tend to hurt no matter if you call them a miracle or not. But, I had to see what this was so I opened the stupid e-mail. (Do you think opening the thing sends some secret, "We've got a sucker", signal, over the Internet, to the ones who sent this me in the first place? Is that how they do it?) It turns out that this spam was talking about a fat-burning discovery hitherto unknown to anyone else on the planet. In all the history of humanity, just now-maybe even hours ago-someone discovered a new and unknown solution to burning fat off your overfed and overindulged fat body. "Miracle Burn-The First Pill to Master the Art of Natural Weight Loss. Miracle Burn is the first and only weight loss pill to combine both patented Avantra Z and Hoodia."Let's stop here and ask, "What the hell are Avantra Z and Hoodia"? They acted as if everyone should know what Avantra Z and Hoodia are. I had to look again at the ad since I thought "HOODIA" was some person from New Delhi, India, who was selling the stuff. So, I clicked on the ad (probably a BIG mistake). Hoodia is supposed to be, "?the most effective & natural appetite suppressant available. It contains a compound called 'P57', which is a molecule that makes you feel full." Will you just imagine that! One little molecule will bloat you up like a toad so you won't want to go the Dunkin Donuts and wolf down a dozen or so of something gooey and wonderful. I don't know about you but if someone offered me a dozen or so of compound "P57" (What does the "P" stand for-don't anyone dare write me and tell me!) or as it is commonly called, "Hoodia", I would turn and run the other way with a box of gooey glazed under my arm. That is today's Spaminator story. I wonder what tomorrow may bring. In the meantime, I urge you to stay away from Hoodia or anything that even looks like a compound named "P57"! Doug Bower is a freelance writer, Syndicated Columnist, and book author. His most recent writing credits include The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, The Houston Chronicle, The Philadelphia Inquirer, and Transitions Abroad. He is a columnist with Cricketsoda.com and more than 21 additional online magazines. He is also a writer with EzineArticles.com with a readership of almost 6,000. He lives with his wife in Guanajuato, Mexico. His newest books, Mexican Living: Blogging it from a Third World Country and The Plain Truth about Living in Mexico can be seen: CLICK HERE: http://www.lulu.com/mexicanliving
Latest News:Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for news Sarah Palin docu wins record ratings for Fox News (Reuters via Yahoo! News) In a week of records surrounding the Republican National Convention, Fox News Channel earned another one with its weekend documentary on vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin. MySpace ad business ahead of target: News Corp (Reuters via Yahoo! News) News Corp's (NWSa.N) MySpace advertising business is operating ahead of expectations and its digital ad business is performing better than the marketplace, the company's chief operating officer said on Tuesday. Relief: Cubs get good news on Zambrano, Harden (ESPN) The Cubs received encouraging news on pitchers Rich Harden and Carlos Zambrano on Tuesday. False bankruptcy item highlights risks in online news (Market Watch) Investors are getting a fresh lesson in the power and perils of lightning-fast news on the Web in an already fast-moving market. Petraeus to Brief FOX News on Final Battlefield Tour (Fox News) Gen David Petraeus, fresh off an announcement that thousands of U.S. troops will be withdrawn from Iraq, will give his final U.S. interview to FOX News Wednesday before handing over control of U.S.-led forces in Iraq to Gen. Raymond Odierno next week. Lesson 6: Broadcasting news (BBC News) Students practise reading the news and produce a news programme adhering to a strict deadline. UPI NewsTrack Quirks in the News (UPI) Car crash knocks woman off toilet ? Woman uses Feng Shui after car hits home ? Mistakenly diagosed man gives away savings ? Wisconsin man eats 23,000 Big Macs ? UPI Quirks in the News. Lesson 5: Ordering news (BBC News) Students order several reports to make a news programme which appeals to a specific audience. Lesson 3: Writing News (BBC News) Students write a news script which is clear, concise and correct - the three Cs of journalism. Yahoo News Redesign May Pull a Technorati ? Why Not Twitter? (Wired News) Bloggers have uncovered URLs for a new Yahoo News layout which includes a ?Most Blogged? section. The list is presumably based off Buzz Tracker, which displays related blog posts and those that link back to an article. But wouldn't a "Twittered About" section make the site seem more cutting-edge? Site: news - Google News Palm Unveils New 'Nova' Software, 'Palm Pre' Phone - CNNMoney.com
MORE RESOURCES: Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for humor New play finds humor in horror (Brigham Young NewsNet) 'Bread of Affliction,' a new production by the BYU Experimental Theatre Company, which will run Sept. 12 and 13, demonstrates how the Jewish people have survived many things largely through the power of humor. 'Whole lotta kid' kept humor despite cancer (Miami Herald) From the minute he was born, on Nov. 22, 1995, at 8.2 pounds, Bailey Blu Kayes was ``a whole lotta kid.'' He was, said his mother, Nicole Bailey, ``all energy -- running full speed, nonstop.'' TenantReports.com Injects a Sense of Humor into the Housing Market Amidst Credit Crisis (PRWeb) The mortgage meltdown makes tenant screening more important than ever for independent real estate investors. Real estate services site, www.TenantReports.com , aims to educate landlords on effectively screening potential tenants, while bringing a smile to those wrought with anxiety or fear of foreclosure at the thought of taking on tenants who can't pay the rent. (PRWeb Sep 11, 2008) Read ... Try humor to discourage kids' drama (The Charlotte Observer) Q. Our 16-year-old daughter constantly tells her younger siblings what to do and how to do it, and that the way they do things isn't good enough. It creates daily friction. What can we do to make it stop? A sense of humor would help. Fifty-plus years ago parents took child-raising seriously, but they took children, for the most part, with the proverbial grain of salt. Today's parents take ... Glossy thriller "Fringe" has heart, humor (Reuters via Yahoo! News) Strange things are happening, which is what you'd expect in a new series from J.J. Abrams. York County calendar of events (York County Coast Star) Talk: "The Art of Maine Humor" by Tim Sample at the Ogunquit Museum of American Art, at 6:30 p.m. 646-5511 / www.ogunquitplayhouse.org. Golden anniversary for Davidsons (Georgetown Record) What keeps a marriage strong and healthy for 50 years? The grown children of Georgetown residents Bob and Betty Davidson think it is their love of strong family values plus a shared sense of humor and acceptance of each other. ?Spiderwick Chronicles? comes to Fenton library (Tri-County Times) Fenton ? What do you get when you cross ice cream with a VCR? The answer? A ?time-out.? ?Hob the troll? from the Renaissance Festival, with his own special humor, music and stories, was the highlight of a ?Spiderwick Chronicles? event at Jack R. Winegarden Library in Fenton. Varner: College education puts wage earners ahead of curve (The Pantagraph) A grandfather in the area sent an e-mail commenting on a recent article and also remembered my youthful enthusiasm, humor and respect for students. He couldn?t however quite remember when he was in my class. A quick check in the grade book showed it was fall 1975. I was brand new at Illinois State University. God has a sense of humor (The South Alabamian) Psalm 59 :7-8 (NLT) "Listen to the filth that comes from their mouths; their words cut like swords. 'After all, who can hear us?' they sneer. But LORD, you laugh at them. You scoff at all the hostile nations." Jesus faced the problem of pride with many of his closest disciples. Site: humor - Google News 'Darwin Awards': accidental humor - Baltimore Sun
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