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True Happiness
Most people look outside of themselves as the cause of their unhappiness or frustration. After all, wouldn't life be practically perfect if the significant people in our lives would simply do things the way we want them to or do what we think is best for them? Actually, this is the kind of thinking that perpetuates the misery! I agree that most of today's unhappiness centers on important people in our lives not cooperating with us. Can anyone relate to that? Have you ever had a child who makes a decision that puts them in serious danger? Have you ever had a significant other decide to relocate or make an employment decision with which you were not in agreement? Did one of your parents ever say something critical to you that rocked your confidence? Ever had a supervisor who micromanaged your work and never gave credit for your good work performance? I think you get the idea. Any one or combination of these things can be a source of unhappiness for us and I'm sure you can add several others to the list. While we are in situations such as these, it sure feels like if the others in our life would just cooperate and be the way we want them to be, and then our lives would be so much better, happier and more fulfilling. While this may, in fact, be true, what I also believe is this. While we are busy trying to get those significant others in our lives to do things our way, the behaviors we typically engage in to move others in our desired direction are exactly those behaviors that damage, and ultimately destroy, our relationships. You know the behaviors I'm talking about: punishing, guilting, complaining, nagging, threatening, criticizing, "the silent treatment", and if we are particularly savvy, rewarding to control, otherwise known as bribing. If you are one of those people whose first choice of action is to negotiate and open the doors of communication, then you are rare. Ask yourself what do you typically resort to when negotiations fail? I know one of my more polished behaviors is nagging. I am a world class nag---just ask my children. You know the drill. "How about cleaning up your room today?" Thirty minutes later, after the child is still in front of his video game, "Are you going to get to that room today?" Maybe two hours later, several decibels louder, "What about that ROOM?" Then, as a last frustration, it's "Will you get off your lazy a*# and clean your blankety blank blank room!!!!" Ever been there? Did it work to get the room cleaned? In my case, it usually didn't. However, I've have had some parents tell me that repeated nagging does work but then my next question usually has a different answer---At what cost? What was the cost of getting that room cleaned? First, there was the cost of you losing control and being a person you probably don't want to be and secondly, there was a definite cost to the relationship between you and your child. Do you believe that after an exchange such as that one, the two of you will be ready and willing to have a meaningful discussion about life or anything else about which you may like to talk? Probably not. What I am about to say probably goes against what you have believed the good majority of your life and that is that you, and you alone, are responsible for your own happiness. If you are waiting for someone to do something differently or for a particular thing to manifest itself in your life in order for you to be happy, then you are operating from the outside in instead of the inside out. I am not here to tell you to stop what you are currently doing. If you want to hold on to your beliefs that when your husband becomes more affectionate, your children more obedient, your wife more supportive, your boss more appreciative or you to get your education, pay off your credit cards, buy your first home, etc. in order for you to be happy, then go ahead. But for those of us who want to practice inside out thinking, we don't like to give the power to others to control our happiness or any of our other moods or emotions. We know that we are responsible for ourselves and no one else. What I can help you with is learning how to be the person you want to be, feel the emotions you want to feel by changing what you do and how you think about things. There is a quote I want to leave you with from Jimmy Dean. "You can't change the direction of the wind, but you can adjust your sails." This is representative of true inside out thinking. People and events are going to be what they are around us. There is very little we can do to impact other people's behavior and the uncontrollable events in our lives but there is always something each of us can do to manage those things better. If you would like to discuss this further, visit www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz and check our calendar for upcoming teleclasses, chats and workshops. Until then, begin to recognize situations in your life where you give your power away to others for the way that you feel. Awareness is the first step. Kim Olver is a licensed professional counselor in two states. She helps others make positive changes and triumph through difficult periods of their lives. She has maintained a private counseling practice and in 2004, decided to move into the field of coaching, where there are a greater number of individuals more highly motivated to make the changes they seek. If you would like to get your life back on track, get closer to important people in your life, better manage the pain and disappointment of life or reduce depression, fear, frustration and anger and develop greater happiness and satisfaction in your life, then Kim is for you! To learn more, go to her website at http://www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz and register for one of her upcoming teleclasses.
Latest News:Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for news Myanmar's Suu Kyi to get family letters, news mags (Reuters via Yahoo! News) Detained Myanmar opposition leader Aung San Suu Kyi has managed to wring small concessions from the ruling generals in the form of letters from her family and some international news magazines, her lawyer said on Friday. SEC Looks Into UAL Stock Scare; Implications For Online News? (CBS News) A ton of digits have been devoted to this in other spots but the SEC's decision to investigate takes it to another level. The backstory: a six-year-old news story about UAL declaring bankruptcy made it into the Tribune-owned Sun-Sentinel 's current news flow, was picked up by a Google (NSDQ: GOOG) News bot and, via a reporter for a newsletter, made it onto Bloomberg News. After a lot of buck ... JCDecaux in talks for News Outdoor Group in Russia (AP via Yahoo! News) French outdoor advertising firm JCDecaux SA said Thursday it is negotiating to buy Russian rival News Outdoor Group from global media company News Corp. News Corp tightens grip on Premiere with new CEO (Reuters via Yahoo! News) Rupert Murdoch tightened his grip on German pay-TV broadcaster Premiere by appointing News Corp executive Mark Williams as CEO in a move to get the company back on track. Phila. mayor to announce grim budget news (The Philadelphia Inquirer) The Nutter administration is expected to announce grim budget news today, which is all but certain to lead to significant spending cuts - perhaps as high as 10 percent - in some city departments, according to three sources familiar with the budget. Help News pick Stadium's greatest moment (New York Daily News) The News is marking the countdown to the final game at The House That Ruth Built by reflecting on Yankee Stadium's greatest moments - and we're asking you - the reader - to help us pick out the best of the best. JCDecaux and News Corp. in talks to combine outdoor ad groups (International Herald Tribune) The News Corp. chief executive, Rupert Murdoch, has recently expressed nervousness about investments in Russia, where News Outdoor generated the bulk of its revenue last year. SEC Looks Into UAL Stock Scare; Implications For Online News? (paidContent.org via Yahoo! Finance) A ton of digits have been devoted to this in other spots but the SEC's decision to investigate takes it to another level. The backstory: a six-year-old news story about UAL declaring bankruptcy made it into the Tribune-owned Sun-Sentinel's current news flow, was picked up by a Google News bot and, via a reporter for a newsletter, made it onto Bloomberg News. JCDecaux in talks to buy News Corp. billboard unit (AP via Yahoo! Finance) In a deal that would create the world's largest outdoor advertising company, French conglomerate JCDecaux SA said Thursday that it is in talks to buy Russian rival News Outdoor Group from global media company News Corp. News Corp says Mark Williams interim Premiere CEO (Reuters via Yahoo! News) News Corp. executive Mark Williams has taken over as chief executive of German pay-TV broadcaster Premiere in an interim capacity, News Corp. said after the move led to renewed takeover speculation. Site: news - Google News Palm Shares Soar As New Smartphone Wins Wall Street Praise - CNNMoney.com
MORE RESOURCES: Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for happiness 'Harvest Moon' sows little happiness at 10 (USA Today) Originally launched on the Super Nintendo, the "Harvest Moon" series of video games is celebrating its 10th anniversary with the release of "Harvest Moon: Island of Happiness" for the Nintendo DS. Unfortunately, unless you have extreme patience, you will not experience much happiness with this software title that suffers from difficult controls and tedious game play. Gretchen Rubin: Balanced Life: Happiness Project: Dig deep. (HuffingtonPost) I'm working on my Happiness Project, and you should have one, too! Everyone's project will look different, but it's the rare person who can't benefit.... Taller people have the edge when it comes to happiness (Reuters via Yahoo! News) Taller people are happier on average than shorter people, with each extra inch in height giving as much satisfaction as a four percent increase in income, according to a U.S. study. The price of happiness? £365 a year I'd say (Times Online) In Birmingham once, I was given a peek inside a majestic Victorian bank that had been closed for years. It's probably a dodgy nightclub now. In which case, its new punters may be a little startled by the stern admonishments emblazoned on its marble walls. ?Thrift radiates happiness? one declared. Pursuit of Happiness (The Moscow Times) The upcoming theater season is guaranteed to be full of the usual thrills, spills and creative performances. John Freedman reports. Ben Lewis proposes that jokes had a role in the end of the U.S.S.R. Famous Comedian's Cousin Says Happiness is Half Genetic (PRWeb) Rima Rudner, first cousin of top standup Rita Rudner, says the reason some people are happier and more fulfilled than others is at least 50% in their genes. "This does not necessarily mean that a woman who wears size 4 jeans is happier than one who wears size 16 jeans," says Rudner, author and happiness coach. "It means that happiness can be as hard to achieve for a genetically unhappy person ... Happiness and Wellbeing at Work Conference (Australian Policy Online) Follows the success of last year's conference including seminars and workshops facilitated by some of Australia's leading experts on psychology, leadership and workplace relations, The aim of this conference is for our expert speakers to provide strategies that will allow the mindful leader to create solutions for generating increased productivity through the dominant value of employee ... Happiness is a daily special at Island Soul Caribbean Cuisine (Seattle Post-Intelligencer) A visit to Island Soul will put a smile on your face thanks to its friendly servers and a menu that plays like a greatest hits of the Caribbean. When happiness means more than money (The Kansas City Star) Midcareer job changers may be the nation's best hope to fill an estimated 1.5 million teaching vacancies expected in the next 10 years.But $50,000 a year may be the magic number to entice most of them to the profession. The science of happiness (Los Angeles Times) Being happy has always seemed like a good idea. But now science, with research to back it up, can finally show us how to get there. True or false: Site: happiness - Google News Spirituality, not religion, makes kids happy - MSNBC
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