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Stop Scoring Own Goals
Own goals are actions, things we do, that stop us from reaching where we want to go or what we want to obtain. When we are out of focus, when we are out of tune with what's going on, when we do something which takes us in the opposite direction of where we were going or should be going, we have scored an own goal. Sometimes they happen accidentally, sometimes on purpose and sometimes simply because we try too hard. First Own Goal To stop scoring the first own goal, answer the following questions: What is my focus? What do I want out of life? When you have a clear focus then you become more aware of your capabilities and what you need to add to be successful. However, we usually do it the other way around. We work out what our capabilities are and then decide what we should focus on. We live our lives like a flea in a flea circus. How do you train fleas? It's easy; first you collect them and put them in a match box. Then you close the box. They keep jumping, hitting all sides of the box, until they get a headache, and all of a sudden, the noise stops. You then open the box and the fleas will only jump to the height of the original match box. How many of us are like this? We have learned to jump only to the height of the box we have been kept in and sometimes at the direction of the trainer. The result is, even when you take us out of our boxes, we don't jump to our true potential. To have a chance of reaching your true potential your focus must come from your feelings. What would you really like to achieve in your life? What is that hidden dream? What is that thought that you are frightened to acknowledge? IF YOU HAVE THE FOCUS THEN YOU WILL PICK UP THE CAPABILITIES ON THE WAY. First identify your Focus Our guess is that this is the way you have run the most successful parts of your life to date. You already have the experience. If you know where you are going, then start looking at where the own goals are occurring. Are you scoring own goals because the enthusiasm is gone? If you have the right focus your enthusiasm is naturally high. Therefore if you don't have the enthusiasm for your focus you don't have the correct focus. Once you have identified it, it is important to keep your aim and objective in front of you. Let it drive all your thoughts and behaviours otherwise you will get lost on the way. REMEMBER: Your capabilities and skills will develop as you pursue the focus. Your enthusiasm is affected by your focus. Second Own Goal Another common way we stop ourselves from achieving is; we work out of the 'want box' rather than the 'need box'. It is important to differentiate WHAT YOU NEED FROM WHAT YOU WANT. If you pursue your needs rather than your wants then you have more chance of living a happier life and reaching your focus. If you live in the want box (e.g. if only I had this, I would be happy) then you start putting conditions to your focus- the most common own goal we score. Third Own Goal What type of relationship do you have with:
How you treat yourself? How do you treat other people? The best relationship can have is a Win/ Win, a relationship where I win and you do too. We both feel we have achieved what was possible. The result is acceptable to both sides. Neither person feels hurt, used or abused by the encounter. In a Win /Win relationship, I feel good about myself and I feel good about my focus; what I'm trying to achieve. When I do make mistakes I don't immediately become abusive to myself , I just stop to think and examine what's happened Or, perhaps your style is a Win/Lose style, where you win and the other person loses. A style typically used by aggressive sales persons and business people. They have little or no interest in the other person provided they buy the product or do as they are told. Another way of playing a Win/Lose game is by committing what is now called a 'professional foul'. If you can't win you do something to stop the other person winning. Ask yourself: How many 'professional fouls' have I committed this month? It can be something as easy as pouting or sulking. When you go into a relationship, do you go into it to Win/ Win or Win /Lose? If your self esteem is low you may find that your encounters and relationships are built on a Lose/Win scenario. In these relationships one person gives in all the time to enable the other person to Win. It may be masked in the phrase, 'I don't want to cause any trouble' or 'I don't mind what happens, you make the decision'. How many times do you make people feel sorry for you? Classic I Lose you Win behaviour. You give away all your power all the time and I wonder why you don't achieve anything and feel unhappy all the time. In our experience the most destructive relationship is one based on Lose/Lose. On these occasions a person enters the relationship or conversation with the mindset that if I can't win no one is going to. This behaviour is very destructive. When playing football or any other team sport do you see yourself as participating in a competition of winning and losing? Or do you see it as I am a player in a team with a role to play and my job is to achieve my personal best in this situation? After a major race or game the question a professional sportspersons asks themselves or their coach is, 'Did I perform to or beat my personal best this time'? The most important question to ask is: Did I perform my personal best on this occasion? Winning is not the issue. What matters is did I perform or exceed my personal best? The Own Goal is scored when we don't know what our personal best is. We have no measure on our performance and so we tend to take decisions in life that take us away from Win/Win relationships. Win/ Win for us is living in my personal best, the result is I play better, the team plays better and the best team on the day wins. Forth Own Goal "If you understood the power of your thoughts you would be frightened to think" a wisdom keeper once told me. In other words your power is in your thoughts. Your thoughts drive your actions. So, get your thoughts right and correct actions must follow. In the context of this article, the correct thoughts are about you. How do you see yourself? How do you see others? One way of changing the way you think is to treat your brain and thinking process in the same way gardeners treat their gardens, In other words do some 'Gardening of the Brain" If you are a gardener the first thing you do is take stock of the garden. Identify the flowers, cultivated shrubs etc and the weeds. If you are new to gardening the first job is to identify which are the flowers and which are the weeds. Now do the same with your thoughts: Which of your thoughts would you classify as Weeds? What behaviours would you classify as the weeds in your life? If you are a Gardener you would now dig out and remove the weeds and replace them with your favourite flowers. Which of your thoughts are your favourite flowers? Which behaviours would you transplant as your favourite flowers? The system to stop scoring the own goal is to Recognise, Remove and Replace all negative and unhelpful thoughts. Recognise, Remove and Replace all thoughts that stop you achieving your focus. Conclusion Most of the things we do are HABITS. I have a focus which is built on capabilities rather than capabilities are found to help me achieve my focus. I run my life on what I think I want rather that what I need. I build relationships on competing with others or giving in to others rather than trying to beat my personal best. I spend time admiring and developing weeds in my garden rather than replacing them with flowers. All you have to do is change them. In this article we have suggested that you will have a more productive and happier life if you change to your natural way. In other words instead of learning a new technique, just unlearn your present thought patterns and behaviour by doing what comes naturally. Focus on achieving your potential. Focus on what you really need in life. Focus on achieving your personal best at all times. Focus on being a flower rather than a weed. Each time you catch yourself not thinking in this way, you will have scored another own goal. About The Author Graham and Julie live in the Canary Islands where they pursue their love for writing, photography and spirituality. See their work at www.desktop-meditation.com
Latest News:Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for news Myanmar's Suu Kyi to get family letters, news mags (Reuters via Yahoo! News) Detained Myanmar opposition leader Aung San Suu Kyi has managed to wring small concessions from the ruling generals in the form of letters from her family and some international news magazines, her lawyer said on Friday. JCDecaux in talks for News Outdoor Group in Russia (AP via Yahoo! News) French outdoor advertising firm JCDecaux SA said Thursday it is negotiating to buy Russian rival News Outdoor Group from global media company News Corp. News Corp tightens grip on Premiere with new CEO (Reuters via Yahoo! News) Rupert Murdoch tightened his grip on German pay-TV broadcaster Premiere by appointing News Corp executive Mark Williams as CEO in a move to get the company back on track. SEC Looks Into UAL Stock Scare; Implications For Online News? (CBS News) A ton of digits have been devoted to this in other spots but the SEC's decision to investigate takes it to another level. The backstory: a six-year-old news story about UAL declaring bankruptcy made it into the Tribune-owned Sun-Sentinel 's current news flow, was picked up by a Google (NSDQ: GOOG) News bot and, via a reporter for a newsletter, made it onto Bloomberg News. After a lot of buck ... JCDecaux and News Corp. in talks to combine outdoor ad groups (International Herald Tribune) The News Corp. chief executive, Rupert Murdoch, has recently expressed nervousness about investments in Russia, where News Outdoor generated the bulk of its revenue last year. SEC Looks Into UAL Stock Scare; Implications For Online News? (paidContent.org via Yahoo! Finance) A ton of digits have been devoted to this in other spots but the SEC's decision to investigate takes it to another level. The backstory: a six-year-old news story about UAL declaring bankruptcy made it into the Tribune-owned Sun-Sentinel's current news flow, was picked up by a Google News bot and, via a reporter for a newsletter, made it onto Bloomberg News. JCDecaux in talks to buy News Corp. billboard unit (AP via Yahoo! Finance) In a deal that would create the world's largest outdoor advertising company, French conglomerate JCDecaux SA said Thursday that it is in talks to buy Russian rival News Outdoor Group from global media company News Corp. Phila. mayor to announce grim budget news (The Philadelphia Inquirer) The Nutter administration is expected to announce grim budget news today, which is all but certain to lead to significant spending cuts - perhaps as high as 10 percent - in some city departments, according to three sources familiar with the budget. News Corp says Mark Williams interim Premiere CEO (Reuters via Yahoo! News) News Corp. executive Mark Williams has taken over as chief executive of German pay-TV broadcaster Premiere in an interim capacity, News Corp. said after the move led to renewed takeover speculation. News Corp. says Mark Williams interim Premiere CEO (Reuters via Yahoo! News) Mark Williams, a News Corp. executive named late on Wednesday as chief executive of German pay-TV broadcaster Premiere, has taken over in an interim capacity, a News Corp. spokeswoman said on Thursday. Site: news - Google News New Voices in Congress Will Change the Tone of the Democratic Majority - New York Times
MORE RESOURCES: Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for goal setting GIRLS? SOCCER: Giants? goal? School record 15 (Marion Chronicle-Tribune) ANDERSON ? Marion won its first girls? soccer match Wednes-day in record-setting style. The Giants set a single-game scoring record and completely dominated host Anderson Highland, 15-0. Tamara Barrett, Jackie Roorbach and Alex Lester each had three-goal hat tricks for the Giants. Soft-spoken Syd'Quan not shy in setting big goals for Cal and himself at cornerback (Contra Costa Times) Thompson is tied for the NCAA lead in interceptions with three after two games, and three picks is his goal for each game, including Saturday at Maryland. A's setting sights on second place (Oakland A's) A's setting sights on second place Archdiocese sets fundraising record (St. Louis Post-Dispatch) The St. Louis Archdiocese said local Catholics contributed more than $13 million to its annual fundraising effort, surpassing its goal by more than $1 million and setting a record for the 59-year-old campaign. United Way sets goal at $935,000 (Great Falls Tribune) United Way of Cascade County kicked off its annual fundraising drive Tuesday, setting a goal of $935,000. United Way launches campaign for $2.2 million (The Hendersonville Times-News) The United Way of Henderson County volunteers, staff and community officials kicked off the 2008 fund raising campaign at 7:30 a.m. today at the Historic Courthouse, setting a goal of $2.2 million to meet needs of the community in health care, social services and other areas. RI residents oppose mass housing (Quad-City Times) Rock Island?s Housing Authority, or RIHA, wrapped up hours of goal setting for its next fiscal year Thursday night. But controversy is building about one of the agency?s proposals. Sallie Mae to turn on $10B private tap (Baltimore Business Journal) Sallie Mae is rushing into a market many are deserting by setting a goal of making $10 billion worth of student loans that are not backed by the federal government. (SLM) On the agenda (The Fort Collins Coloradoan) September Symposium 8 a.m. to 12:30 p.m., Friday, Lincoln Center, 417 W. Magnolia St. Attend these free sessions on a wide variety of topics ranging from avoiding burnout, performance appraisals, conflict resolution, small business leadership, goal setting, marketing and more. Reservations are required. For more information, visit www.larimerworkforce.org Going for the goal (Bangkok Post - Thailand's English news) Goals are one of the most important elements of success at any level and in any field. Having clear goals helps us know exactly what we want to accomplish in what time frame. Goals can also inspire us and get us excited and motivated. Site: goal setting - Google News A strategic plan for goal setting - Santa Rosa Press Democrat
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