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Under Their Thumb - Tripping The Parental Triggers!
Some of my clients have come to me feeling like their worlds were not under their own control. They felt as though everyone else ran their lives and had some aspect of control in everything that they did. I asked them to note some specific situations in which they felt this way and how they felt "out of control" of the situation. It's interesting to note that in every circumstance, there was some aspect of "guilt" or "second-guessing" involved. Indeed, these are the purest signs of self-relinquished control. There are many ways that people can feel "loss of control" in their lives. We can lose control through frustration and burn-out, living in a rut, stagnation, illness, change, and trauma. However, one of the most common is unconsciously giving up control to others. This is an unconscious act involving two or more parties where party "A" literally hands over the reins to party "B". At one time, "parental voices" controlled and molded our lives. These are the voices and rules provided by authority, family, and friends from whom our core belief systems evolved. However, some external influences and people can re-engage that basic instinct for seeking parental acceptance simply by imposing doubt into your world. By accepting the guilt or self-doubt imposed by others, you begin to live in someone else's "context". You surrender your own belief systems and adopt those of the other party. In doing so, you begin to live by the rules and controls of the other person. One of the more common areas in which this occurs is in a professional or group setting where power and control are part of the environment. Many politically savvy individuals ("A") will take control of others ("B") simply by learning their ways, gaining their trust, and then embedding doubt or a feeling of non-acceptance. In this way, "A" is now subconsciously seen as the parental figure and "B" requires acceptance from "A". "A" is now in control of "B". Over time, "B" grows to feel animosity towards "A", but is usually unsure why except for the fact that "B" doesn't like the way that "A" treats them. Once you fall into this situation, it is difficult to break free. You have to go through and undo the web of emotions and doubt that now clouds your thinking. However, you have to realize that it's not so much how "A" treats you as it is how you feel about your view of their treatment. By separating your ego and emotions from the situation, you are better able to break free from the reins of self-relinquished control. But, it's not so much that they have explicit control over you as it is that you are merely seeking their acceptance. It's an interesting situation to observe! The best way to prevent such situations from occurring is to go through your own psyche and find out which "parental voices" are still present and dislodge them. You need to replace the old, worn out parental triggers with your own rules for your evolving belief systems. Of course, we usually just leave these voices where they are out of comfort and because they seem to work. However, these are triggers that can be tripped to cause us to fall into this loss-of-control scenario. I recall one young man who, once he finished college, simply hung out in a local pub. He could not figure out what to do with his life. His parents had passed on, he had no other relatives around, so he just "waited" for anyone and anything that tripped his triggers. Because of this, he ended up in trouble from time to time because he was easily misled by people who gave him what he wanted --- acceptance and direction. After much work and planning, he began to move forward in his life and is slowly becoming a success in his own right. But, as you can see, these types of situations are very common and can occur just about anytime to anyone. I've also seen such issues occur with abused women, corporations, and myriad other inter-personal situations. People tend to sit and wait for acceptance and guidance from others because they relinquished control. Live your own life by replacing these triggers with your own rules for living. You will never obtain acceptance from everyone as the rest of the world is out seeking acceptance as well. It's a never-ending cycle! Learn to accept yourself as, in the long run, you are the only person who has a stake in your own decisions and endeavors for a self-fulfilling life. About The Author Edward B. Toupin is an author, publisher, life-strategy coach, counselor, Reiki Master, technical writer, and PhD Candidate living in Las Vegas, NV. Among other things, he authors books, articles, and screenplays on topics ranging from career success through life organization and fulfillment. Check out some of his recent print and electronic books as well as his articles covering various life-changing topics! For more information, and to find out about his upcoming title on book publishing, e-mail Edward at etoupin@toupin.com or visit his site at http://www.toupin.com! Copyright (c) 2004 Edward B. Toupin
Latest News:Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for news Myanmar's Suu Kyi to get family letters, news mags (Reuters via Yahoo! News) Detained Myanmar opposition leader Aung San Suu Kyi has managed to wring small concessions from the ruling generals in the form of letters from her family and some international news magazines, her lawyer said on Friday. JCDecaux in talks for News Outdoor Group in Russia (AP via Yahoo! News) French outdoor advertising firm JCDecaux SA said Thursday it is negotiating to buy Russian rival News Outdoor Group from global media company News Corp. News Corp tightens grip on Premiere with new CEO (Reuters via Yahoo! News) Rupert Murdoch tightened his grip on German pay-TV broadcaster Premiere by appointing News Corp executive Mark Williams as CEO in a move to get the company back on track. SEC Looks Into UAL Stock Scare; Implications For Online News? (CBS News) A ton of digits have been devoted to this in other spots but the SEC's decision to investigate takes it to another level. The backstory: a six-year-old news story about UAL declaring bankruptcy made it into the Tribune-owned Sun-Sentinel 's current news flow, was picked up by a Google (NSDQ: GOOG) News bot and, via a reporter for a newsletter, made it onto Bloomberg News. After a lot of buck ... JCDecaux and News Corp. in talks to combine outdoor ad groups (International Herald Tribune) The News Corp. chief executive, Rupert Murdoch, has recently expressed nervousness about investments in Russia, where News Outdoor generated the bulk of its revenue last year. SEC Looks Into UAL Stock Scare; Implications For Online News? (paidContent.org via Yahoo! Finance) A ton of digits have been devoted to this in other spots but the SEC's decision to investigate takes it to another level. The backstory: a six-year-old news story about UAL declaring bankruptcy made it into the Tribune-owned Sun-Sentinel's current news flow, was picked up by a Google News bot and, via a reporter for a newsletter, made it onto Bloomberg News. JCDecaux in talks to buy News Corp. billboard unit (AP via Yahoo! Finance) In a deal that would create the world's largest outdoor advertising company, French conglomerate JCDecaux SA said Thursday that it is in talks to buy Russian rival News Outdoor Group from global media company News Corp. Phila. mayor to announce grim budget news (The Philadelphia Inquirer) The Nutter administration is expected to announce grim budget news today, which is all but certain to lead to significant spending cuts - perhaps as high as 10 percent - in some city departments, according to three sources familiar with the budget. News Corp says Mark Williams interim Premiere CEO (Reuters via Yahoo! News) News Corp. executive Mark Williams has taken over as chief executive of German pay-TV broadcaster Premiere in an interim capacity, News Corp. said after the move led to renewed takeover speculation. News Corp. says Mark Williams interim Premiere CEO (Reuters via Yahoo! News) Mark Williams, a News Corp. executive named late on Wednesday as chief executive of German pay-TV broadcaster Premiere, has taken over in an interim capacity, a News Corp. spokeswoman said on Thursday. Site: news - Google News New Voices in Congress Will Change the Tone of the Democratic Majority - New York Times
MORE RESOURCES: Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for goal setting GIRLS? SOCCER: Giants? goal? School record 15 (Marion Chronicle-Tribune) ANDERSON ? Marion won its first girls? soccer match Wednes-day in record-setting style. The Giants set a single-game scoring record and completely dominated host Anderson Highland, 15-0. Tamara Barrett, Jackie Roorbach and Alex Lester each had three-goal hat tricks for the Giants. Soft-spoken Syd'Quan not shy in setting big goals for Cal and himself at cornerback (Contra Costa Times) Thompson is tied for the NCAA lead in interceptions with three after two games, and three picks is his goal for each game, including Saturday at Maryland. A's setting sights on second place (Oakland A's) A's setting sights on second place Archdiocese sets fundraising record (St. Louis Post-Dispatch) The St. Louis Archdiocese said local Catholics contributed more than $13 million to its annual fundraising effort, surpassing its goal by more than $1 million and setting a record for the 59-year-old campaign. United Way sets goal at $935,000 (Great Falls Tribune) United Way of Cascade County kicked off its annual fundraising drive Tuesday, setting a goal of $935,000. United Way launches campaign for $2.2 million (The Hendersonville Times-News) The United Way of Henderson County volunteers, staff and community officials kicked off the 2008 fund raising campaign at 7:30 a.m. today at the Historic Courthouse, setting a goal of $2.2 million to meet needs of the community in health care, social services and other areas. RI residents oppose mass housing (Quad-City Times) Rock Island?s Housing Authority, or RIHA, wrapped up hours of goal setting for its next fiscal year Thursday night. But controversy is building about one of the agency?s proposals. Sallie Mae to turn on $10B private tap (Baltimore Business Journal) Sallie Mae is rushing into a market many are deserting by setting a goal of making $10 billion worth of student loans that are not backed by the federal government. (SLM) On the agenda (The Fort Collins Coloradoan) September Symposium 8 a.m. to 12:30 p.m., Friday, Lincoln Center, 417 W. Magnolia St. Attend these free sessions on a wide variety of topics ranging from avoiding burnout, performance appraisals, conflict resolution, small business leadership, goal setting, marketing and more. Reservations are required. For more information, visit www.larimerworkforce.org Going for the goal (Bangkok Post - Thailand's English news) Goals are one of the most important elements of success at any level and in any field. Having clear goals helps us know exactly what we want to accomplish in what time frame. Goals can also inspire us and get us excited and motivated. Site: goal setting - Google News A strategic plan for goal setting - Santa Rosa Press Democrat
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