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Dressing A Toddler, Whomever She Is Today
Some things we take for granted. Like getting dressed. Unless we are paraplegic, an absolute klutz or have just smoked far too much cabbage, getting dressed is a cinch. Sure, if you happen to be the winner of the 2004 Imelda Marcos Shoe Collection Trophy, you might have trouble choosing just the right shoe for the occasion. But actually slipping your foot into your selection should be a cinch. The only time getting dressed should pose a problem is on April Fools Day. Underwear is pretty hard to put on when it is drenched in water. Harder still when it comes straight out of the freezer. And even harder when wrapped around last year's frozen Christmas cake. But that still leaves 364 days of easy dressing. Some things we just take for granted...until you become a parent. "No!" Little Lady screams in mock rage. Just come back here so I can pull up your pants and slip on your shirt. "No!" the toddle repeats in defiance. Did you know that there are some things you can do at 30 miles per hour? Putting a shirt on an agile toddler is not one of those things. Around the chair. Over the back of the couch. Under the table. Into the bathroom. SLAM! Ouch. Make that: into the bathroom door. "No!" Please, Little Lady, let me put on your shirt. "I'm not Little Lady. I'm Baby Swan." OK, Baby Swan. Let me put on your shirt. "You're Papa Baby Swan." OK. You're Baby Swan. I'm Papa Baby Swan. Just let me put on your shirt. "Now I'm Tutter." Tutter is a mouse puppet in a children's show she watches. OK, Tutter, let's put on the Tutter shirt." "No. You be Tutter." OK, I'll be Tutter. I'll be whomever you want be to be. Yesterday I was Big Spider. The day before I was Spider Web. I remember being a crocodile, a monkey and a detective. I have no idea who I am anyway, so I might as well be Tutter. "Are you Tutter?" We hear a lot about the "terrible twos", but we don't hear much about the identity crisis years. Speaking with mothers down at the play center, it seems many kids go through this phase. "I saa-aid, are you Tutter?" You probably did, too. Ask your mother if you ever went through a phase when you were always pretending to be someone else...so much so that you were almost convinced it was real. It's bad news if your mother's eyes gloss over nostalgically and she answers, "Yes dear, I remember when you were quite convinced you were an African dung beetle." It's worse news if she adds, "I think the pre-teen years were the hardest. We had no idea how to explain the birds and the bees to a beetle." But the worst news is if your mother sighs and says, "I remember well. Your father and I are still hoping it's just a phase you're going through." The best of us go through identity crises now and then. I am The Happy Guy. I am also a writer. And a search engine optimizer. And a husband. And a homeowner. And a father. But not this morning. This morning I was a very tired and frustrated Tutter mouse puppet...with generously distributed bruises to prove my credentials. "No!" Aw, c'mon, Baby Swan. This is your Tutter speaking. Please come out from under the staircase. "No. You be Baby Swan." I suppose that at her age, she can probably get away with going topless. But sooner or later she'll get hungry. And when she comes out to feed, I'll get that shirt on Baby Swan. Or Tutter. Or whomever that toddler is today! About The Author David Leonhardt publishes The Happy Guy humor column: http://www.thehappyguy.com/positive-thinking-free-ezine.html And A Daily Dose of Happiness: http://www.thehappyguy.com/daily-happiness-free-ezine.html
Latest News:Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for news Myanmar's Suu Kyi to get family letters, news mags (Reuters via Yahoo! News) Detained Myanmar opposition leader Aung San Suu Kyi has managed to wring small concessions from the ruling generals in the form of letters from her family and some international news magazines, her lawyer said on Friday. SEC Looks Into UAL Stock Scare; Implications For Online News? (CBS News) A ton of digits have been devoted to this in other spots but the SEC's decision to investigate takes it to another level. The backstory: a six-year-old news story about UAL declaring bankruptcy made it into the Tribune-owned Sun-Sentinel 's current news flow, was picked up by a Google (NSDQ: GOOG) News bot and, via a reporter for a newsletter, made it onto Bloomberg News. After a lot of buck ... JCDecaux in talks for News Outdoor Group in Russia (AP via Yahoo! News) French outdoor advertising firm JCDecaux SA said Thursday it is negotiating to buy Russian rival News Outdoor Group from global media company News Corp. News Corp tightens grip on Premiere with new CEO (Reuters via Yahoo! News) Rupert Murdoch tightened his grip on German pay-TV broadcaster Premiere by appointing News Corp executive Mark Williams as CEO in a move to get the company back on track. Phila. mayor to announce grim budget news (The Philadelphia Inquirer) The Nutter administration is expected to announce grim budget news today, which is all but certain to lead to significant spending cuts - perhaps as high as 10 percent - in some city departments, according to three sources familiar with the budget. JCDecaux and News Corp. in talks to combine outdoor ad groups (International Herald Tribune) The News Corp. chief executive, Rupert Murdoch, has recently expressed nervousness about investments in Russia, where News Outdoor generated the bulk of its revenue last year. Help News pick Stadium's greatest moment (New York Daily News) The News is marking the countdown to the final game at The House That Ruth Built by reflecting on Yankee Stadium's greatest moments - and we're asking you - the reader - to help us pick out the best of the best. SEC Looks Into UAL Stock Scare; Implications For Online News? (paidContent.org via Yahoo! Finance) A ton of digits have been devoted to this in other spots but the SEC's decision to investigate takes it to another level. The backstory: a six-year-old news story about UAL declaring bankruptcy made it into the Tribune-owned Sun-Sentinel's current news flow, was picked up by a Google News bot and, via a reporter for a newsletter, made it onto Bloomberg News. JCDecaux in talks to buy News Corp. billboard unit (AP via Yahoo! Finance) In a deal that would create the world's largest outdoor advertising company, French conglomerate JCDecaux SA said Thursday that it is in talks to buy Russian rival News Outdoor Group from global media company News Corp. News Corp says Mark Williams interim Premiere CEO (Reuters via Yahoo! News) News Corp. executive Mark Williams has taken over as chief executive of German pay-TV broadcaster Premiere in an interim capacity, News Corp. said after the move led to renewed takeover speculation. Site: news - Google News CNET News Daily Podcast: Say hello to the Palm Pre - CNET News
MORE RESOURCES: Site: Yahoo! News Search Results for babies toddler Mother of child locked in car charged with felony (Los Angeles Daily News) A woman accused of leaving her toddler in a locked sport utility vehicle while shopping in Van Nuys last week was charged today with a felony count of child abuse. Yoga for the whole family: (Republican-American) Yoga is supposed to be about achieving complete relaxation. So what happens if you combine it with babies and small children ? or a bulging belly? Shopping for Baby Gear With Christiane Lemieux (New York Times) Christiane Lemieux, co-owner, with her husband, of the home furnishings company Dwell Studio, shops for sophisticated and eco-friendly baby products. Westport designer signs with chain (Stamford Advocate) Amy Coe of Westport wasn't happy with the selection of baby accessories, when she became a mother 16 years ago. Events Calendar (Rome Observer) This Week Visual Arts Aug. 8 to Sept. 13 Regional Art InvitationaL at the Mohawk Valley Center for the Arts. This year's theme is "An Artist's View." Artists must be 18 years or older and live within 100 miles of Little Falls. Homicide unit investigating Elkhart toddler's injuries (22 WSBT South Bend) ELKHART ? A little girl is hospitalized in critical condition and police are trying to find out what happened to her. The 21-month-old was brought in with severe injuries late Monday night and police said those injuries look suspicious. Get Your Vehicle Ready for the Change of Season (Beaches Leader) (ARA) - It seems like the kids just started school, but soon you'll be packing up and hitting the road on your next family vacation. And contrary to popular belief, the weeks leading up to the trip are not the time to start getting your vehicle ready. Business And Careers (Benson News-Sun) (ARA) - Now in its eighth season, the Emmy award-winning investigative drama CSI draws a weekly audience of about 20 million viewers. But CSI is more than simply entertainment. Fashion sniffs perfume of Asia's nouveau riche (San Francisco Chronicle) There's an urgency in the air around the tents in Bryant Park, the center of the annual fix of fabulousness known as Fashion Week. It's a case of glam being trumped by grim: The question on everyone's minds, as raised by USA Today: Given the weakening... No charges in death of baby left in hot car (The Oxford Press) CINCINNATI ? A woman who left her 11-month-old baby in a hot van for nearly eight hours will not face criminal charges, according to WKRC-TV Local 12. Site: babies toddler - Google News Library Corner - Contra Costa Times
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